Stew
by Vegeta's Pride Spike's Smirk
Summary: *NOW COMPLETE* Spike and Faye fic, *does* contain conflict. *COUGH* Julia! *COUGH* Rated for language and adult situations.
1. Restless

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Cowboy Bebop, as much as I wish I did. *holds up flashing neon sign* CHRISTMAS PRESENT!!!

Spike woke to the sound of his stomach, a pitiful moan that voiced its displeasure at its engulfing emptiness. He groaned in agreement and sat up in bed, ruffling his unruly hair and stretching lazily. Pulling on a pair of pants, he picked up a pack of cigarettes and his lighter and headed for the nearest window, flinching at the cold floor.

He lit up and looked outside, watching the stars, bright diamonds in the sky swimming in a sea of black velvet.

Nights like this always made him think of Julia. Those glistening locks of gold, her pure, sparkling eyes...

He sighed openly.

__

God I miss her.

His acute ears picked up scuffling sounds behind him. Not moving an inch, he watched in the glass the reflection of Faye coming out in her lavender bathrobe and slippers, half awake and grumpy, and had to suppress a chuckle.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

He turned around and looked at her, amused.

"Just taking a smoke." He offered her one, and she took it. As he held the lighter still for her, he asked, "How about you? You're not exactly a morning person. Shouldn't you be getting your beauty sleep?"

She shot him a look as she walked over to the couch and sprawled out on it.

"Oh, and you're just one of those romantic morning people who likes to watch the stars at four in the morning. You know, I guess I can understand that...if I had your hair, I would have given up on beauty sleep months ago."

"Thanks."

"Uh huh."

The verbal sparring between the two was something they had become used to over time - with Faye often in a disagreeable mood and Spike constantly poking fun at her, it quickly became a daily ritual.

Taking a few more glances out at the stars, Spike walked over slowly to join Faye on the opposite couch.

They both smoked in silence for a few minutes until Faye finally spoke.

"Really, why are you up this late ag-"

Spike looked up.

"I mean....why are you up this late?" she recovered quickly, blushing and looking away.

"I couldn't sleep....too hungry," he replied, trying to figure out how she had known that this wasn't the first time lately he had ventured out in the middle of the night.

"I hear you." Faye's stomach growled as if on cue. She held it and sighed. After finishing her cigarette, she put it out in an ashtray on the table and walked over to the refrigerator.

"All there is in there is Jet's old casserole. That stuff that Ein won't even touch," Spike said just as she reached it.

Faye threw her hands up in despair. "What in the world does a girl have to do to get some decent food around here?"

The ship suddenly lurched, hit hard by a passing ship.

"Dammit!" Spike exclaimed, and ran to the front of the ship to control its movement. Faye hurried after him, re-wrapping her robe around her, which had come open with the force of her body being jolted by the impact.

Jet appeared moments later, wide-eyed and angry.

"What's going on here?!?"

"No clue," Spike managed to get out before they were hit by shots from the other ship. Clenching his teeth, he steered the Bebop around all the gunfire and swung around so they were behind the attackers. Jet operated the controls for the guns and shot back. Things were looking up until another ship appeared, the exact same color and model. Both ships ganged up on the Bebop and launched huge nets that got tangled in each other, trapping the bigger ship between them. The more they struggled to get out, the more tangled they became, and soon, the two other ships were shooting them down fervorently. 

All were too distracted to realize they were quickly approaching Earth.

"Oh shit!" Jet exclaimed as he looked out the window and saw the now brown and gray planet getting larger. Faye looked up to where his gaze was and instantly jumped.

"Spike! We're heading towards Earth! If we don't get out of these nets we're going to crash land on that miserable ball of mud! SPIKE!!!"

He shouted back through gritted teeth, "Faye, I think the planet we crash on is the LAST of our wor-"

The Bebop was hit heavily by a missile from one of the ships. The Bebop was shaken heavily by the explosion. Part of the left wing broke off with a terrifying shriek.

As they started getting sucked into the Earth's atmosphere, they fought to bring the other ships down with them. Spike did some tactical flying and managed to get them tangled in the ropes, too. The friction warmed the ship immensely, making them all sweat profusely. They all screamed as they plummeted down towards Earth, then blacked out.

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A/N: Okay, I know it was really dramatic right then, but I kinda needed something to happen to get them onto a planet, and what better one than Faye's home? ^_- I know, I know, this will cause problems. But that's good!


	2. Pain and Delirium

Faye woke up, her leg throbbing, and laid on the cold metal floor, gathering her strength. After about ten minutes, she carefully sat up, wincing in pain, and glanced down at her right leg. Right below her knee on the inside of her leg was a dark purple-maroon bruise. Blood was slowly seeping from a jagged cut across it. 

She had a pounding headache and suddenly looked around, remembering the rest of the crew. Jet was about fifteen feet away with his head to the wall. Faye instantly winced in sympathy for him and dragged herself over to see how bad the damage was. 

Other than a huge red bump on his head and a few bruises, Jet was fine. He seemed to be resting peacefully. Faye breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

She heard a groan behind her and to the left, and turned to see Spike on his side clenching his stomach. Her eyes widened in fear and she hurried over to him.

"Spike? Spike, what is it?!"

"Go get...." he took a shaky breath. "Go get the emergency kit," he said faintly, his face suddenly twisting in pain. Faye struggled to her feet and fought hard against her own injury to fetch the first aid kit and returned as fast as possible.

Spike had passed out.

Faye carefully moved his hands and gasped when she saw dark blood stains on his jacket. Quickly, she unbuttoned both that and his pale yellow shirt and cautiously peeled them away from the sticky red patches on his lower abdomen as she fumbled with his tie. His blood stained her hands a deep crimson.

A nasty-looking gash started to spurt and she thought for a second she saw his entrails. Breathing hard, she pressed gauze against the puncture and secured it with a soft, elastic wrap around his middle. Cursing one of the control sticks that had probably caused his injury, she sealed the whole thing over with medical tape and gently pushed Spike onto his stomach to provide the pressure of his weight on the wound so she wouldn't have to press against it herself.

Meanwhile, Jet had regained consciousness. He wandered over to them, his hand covering the bump. 

"What did you do now, Faye?"

"What do you mean?"

They carefully picked Spike up and moved him to the couch.

"I mean there has to be a reason why those ships came after us. Who did you not pay yet, and for what?"

Faye's brows knitted into a frown and Jet got a migraine as she proceeded to scream and shout about how they all needed her on the Bebop or else they'd all be lost - and something about him assuming she always steals and cheats people....ah well, he wasn't listening.

"Alright, alright!" he said in an exasperated tone. "Since we've finally reached a planet I'm going to try to scrounge up some food."

He walked over to his room to fetch the money from his secret hiding place for it and returned to Faye.

"I'm going to get a doctor, too. Take care of him, Faye, you're all he's got right now."

"What do you mean? Ed and Ein are still here....somewhere."

"I'm taking them with me. But that's not what I meant anyway."

She watched him with wide jade eyes as he walked away and out into what remained of Earth.

"ED! EIN!" he shouted. 

"Commiiiiiiiiiiing!" Ed answered, skipping out to the room and dancing around Faye before finally leaping out of the Bebop. The crash landing didn't seem to have any affect on her mental health o_O "Didn't do any further damage," would probably be a better phrase....

Ein followed, barking weakly and limping slightly.

Once they had gone, Faye relaxed. Sitting on the coffee table directly in front of Spike, she examined him - his hard arm and shoulder muscles, his unruly hair, dark auburn lashes - 

"It's about time they left."

Faye looked down at his face to see a grinning Spike.

"Don't talk," she said seriously, shushing him and placing a cold finger on his lips.

In his delirium he playfully licked it and chuckled, amused at her look of shock.

"Wh...what was THAT, Spike?!?"

"Oh come on, Faye-faye, you know you liked it!" He laughed like he was intoxicated.

"Hah. If you only knew how close you actually are to the truth."

She laughed bitterly and knew he would never remember this conversation anyway. Bored out of her mind and looking for release as she always was, she decided to find out what he really thought of her - and maybe dig up some info on Julia.

"Spike?"

"Yessssssshhh?"

Faye raised an eyebrow and glanced at him. He looked so goofy with that dorky smile and tongue wagging out that she had to laugh. He laughed along. Suddenly, she stopped.

"Spike...what do you think of me?"

He looked at her and blinked slowly, his eyes not closing at the same time.

"I think....I think you'll beat me up if I tell you. And that's not exactly what I need right now." He chuckled.

Her eyes softened.

"Oh. I guess I tend to overreact, huh?"

She sighed and slumped back. Spike looked confused by this.

"It's been really hard for me....to trust people. I don't even know how I am, where I came from, who my parents are....and I'm afraid to.....to _FEEL_ for anyone."

Spike actually looked sober now. She smiled, glad he was paying attention. A knot in her stomach urged her not to go on, but she decided there was no way he had already recovered. He still had to be delirious from the blood loss....right?

"That's why I always push everyone away before I have a chance to get attached to them. Nothing good ever came out of me caring for people, so I don't anymore. But....there was a time when I did. When I was a care-free child. I have flashbacks or dreams when I can just tell that I was such a happy child....and look at me now." 

"Faye..."

"It's really odd when you ache for people who you don't even know....anymore. I've heard it's like phantom pains when someone gets a limb amputated. Their nerves are still there, but there's no limb. GOD, I suffer so much just for blurry images, it doesn't make any sense!"

A tear shimmered in her eye, but she blinked it away hastily and turned to look at Spike.

"But now, finally, after all these years, I've finally grown to love someone. I can't believe it! It feels great, I have this incredible sense of achievement, but...but it hurts too. I was so _STUPID_-"

She pounded her fist on the table in frustration.

"-to fall in love with the person I did. I know his heart belongs to someone else, and I know she's perfect for him....or he thinks so....and most of all, I know I would never have a chance. Never."

"What a jerk," Spike snorted. "If he would never give you a chance, then it means he's got his head stuck too far up his ass to see that a beautiful, mysterious woman has fallen for him."

Faye faltered and her eyes widened. "Well....uh....I'm sure if....if he hadn't given his heart away already, he....might consider it...."

"Still."

Spike sat up, his face contorted by incredible pain, and barely let out a sound. Panting for breath, he relaxed against the couch back.

"Faye, you're a great woman. Your temper is....just something spunky about you. I like that. It's just when you yell at Jet or me for doing something you think is wrong that you get annoying....and that's okay, no one's perfect, and you've been through alot. I tell you, it's been nice meeting you - you are just what I needed."

Faye laughed delightedly. "_WHAT?_"

"You are. You're the opposite of Julia in so many ways, it's crazy. It's been good for me."

"What, to remind you how much you love her?" Faye said in a low, bitter voice.

"No...to remind me....of her flaws...."

Their eyes met. Uncomfortable, Faye just forced a laugh. Spike bristled a bit.

In a soft voice, he said, "Faye...I know I make fun of you and can make you miserable or angry, but...surely you know I have gotten used to....I mean I've learned to tolerate....no, never mind. There's no simple way to put this. I...care about you, and Jet, and Ein, and Ed. And I don't know why. I've spent ten times more time with other people and known more about them, but I never gave a damn about them. Something about the crew and the Bebop has....changed me. I _guess_ it could be a sign....like maybe you guys will be my 'family' for a while....or maybe this is a last chance....or....nah, I don't believe in that kinda stuff."

He shrugged off the subject carelessly. "Ah, hell. What was I talking about again?"

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A/N: Don't worry, I'm not cheesy enough to make Spike recover right in the middle of that conversation with Faye. ^_^ More to come soon!


	3. Unexpected Surprises

Spike fell in and out of consciousness several times during the remainder of the day. Each time he awoke, Faye was there with some water or painkillers and talked to him about anything and everything.

It was getting dark outside and Jet and the others still hadn't returned.

Faye began to worry. What if they had run into trouble? She was here alone with a very seriously injured Spike - he could bleed to death if not given the right treatment. They had very few supplies and even less food. 

This was definitely not good.

Whenever Spike was unconscious, Faye would stand up and stretch, use the bathroom, maybe drink some water. Once, as she was returning from using the restroom, he was flailing slightly, his forehead tensed, his mouth curled into a frown.

"Julia....no, no I didn't....I don't know....Julia! What about...but I....I did. I do. Really, I do..."

He called out in pain and awoke.

"Damned joystick..." he muttered weakly.

Faye got a cool, wet washcloth and wiped his sweat away gently.

"Hey, you got a smoke?"

Faye rolled her eyes. Nonetheless, she stood and fetched a pack, then opened it as Spike carefully sat up. He took one, reached into his pocket, and lit it.

"Where's Jet?"

"He went with Ed and Ein to go get food and a doctor."

Spike grunted in acknowledgement.

Faye studied him carefully as he looked around, then sat back with his hands behind his head. Was he back to normal yet?

"Spike?"

"Mmph?"

"Do you remember what happened to give you that injury?"

"Of course. We crash landed. How could I forget?"

He opened her eyes to look at her suspiciously. She was looking off somewhere above him, but somehow, she was staring at nothing. As he watched her out-of-focus eyes shimmer, he saw a vulnerable side of her he'd never seen before. Had he missed something?

Yet, as soon as he saw it, it disappeared, a layer of cold ice glazing over them. The Faye he knew and l-....well, the Faye he knew was back.

She snapped out of it and saw he had been watching her, and blushed. Standing and walking over to one of the windows, she muttered, "Damn that Jet. Where....are.....OH MY GOD!!!"

"What? What?!?" Spike tried to get up but a bolt of pain shot through him and he had to sit back down.

Faye held a trembling hand up to her open mouth in shock.

"It's....it's...."

She backed away from the window right as a shot pierced the outside of the 5-inch thick unbreakable windows right in front of her face.

Her instincts taking over, she dropped to her knees, then rolled to the side and got out her gun.

"What is it, dammit?!?" Spike shouted from the couch.

"Those ships that shot at us....you tangled them in the ropes and now...."

She crawled quickly to the window on the opposite side and quickly took a peek over the edge of the window sill. 

__

Damn.

"Spike....there were two ships....they're on either side of us." She could feel her stomach lurching in fear.

"One of the ships has Jet in it, strapped to a chair, and the other has Ed and Ein. They're in plain view....obviously the people want something from us. What, I don't know, but they have them hostage."

Within the time it took her to finish, Spike had used the coffee table as a support and slowly stood up, taking meticulous step after meticulous step towards her. When she finished and didn't hear a comment from him, she turned and gasped to find him kneeling beside her. He gave a weak smile, but he wasn't fooling her - she could see the sweat on his face and neck from such an effort and panic stuck her.

__

What do I do? I'm...I'm the only defense for the Bebop and the only hope for Jet, Ed, and Ein....and....Spike. What do I DO!?!

"Faye."

She looked at Spike and saw determination in his eyes. He had that look on his face every time he played pool against someone who could challenge him. And every time he shot a bullet. And every time he had gambled against her. It was the will to put 150% of his effort into winning.

Instantly she understood, and his determination was channeled through his eyes into hers. She frowned in concentration, then very carefully helped Spike back to the couch.

"Spike, I'm going to need your help. Tell me what to do. We have to bluff and make them think we have more people in here than we do."

He nodded. "First, go turn off all the lights. They won't be able to see us inside."

"Right."

She started towards the control room.

"Hey, Faye."

She turned to look at him. He nearly burst out laughing at her, caught in mid-stride on her hands and knees, a blunt look of seriousness on her features.

"Go check on the radio system too. I'm sure they would have contacted us by now unless there was something wrong with it."

She turned back around and continued on her way. When she finally made it to the control room, she stood up and realized her knees and hands were red and hurt like hell. There were no windows in this room, and for good reason. If someone outside the ship could shoot a succession of bullets at around the same spot, they'd get through and damage the ship's system with ease. Faye looked around, taking the cover boards off and looking through wires. After a few minutes, she got frustrated and decided to rest for a few seconds. It was deathly hot in the room.

As she sat back and wiped the sweat off her brow, her attention was drawn to a bright red double lever. It was labeled in big white letters, "LIGHTS."

"Shut up, Spike," she smirked. For once she thought ahead and got out two flashlights from a box in the back closet of the room where they kept spare parts and such. Using all her strength, she pulled the levers toward her. 

The ship went black and the sound of the lights running down echoed through the metal ship. Once that stopped, she turned on one of the flashlights and made her way up to the front of the ship, where they steered, which was just the next room over. Dragging a small but heavy toolbox with her, she made it within a minute and started taking out tools, then examined the radio system.

The box that contained all of its wires had been jammed in, and it took her a while to take the cover off since it had been twisted and contorted to resemble a silverish piece of crumbled paper. Upon looking inside, she saw nothing but a mess of red, green, yellow, and black wires until she parted them and looked through the jungle of microchips. There, on the left side of the box, was a group of 3 wires that had been severed by the box cover's sharp edge. They connected two larger chips together, and she knew she had to find a way to fix this.

Putting on the thick gloves used for working with electronic parts to prevent getting shocked, she picked up a small pair of tweezers and twisted the copperish ends of the frayed wires hanging out of the colored rubber wire covers together, then used the mini-torch to weld them together.

Sweat poured down her front, back, and face, making her hair stick to her head and hang in her face. She knew she had to correct this problem and that it might mean the difference between survival or expiration. The pressure mounted as she was welding the last wire together. The torch slipped from her glove because of sweat that had dripped down onto it and it flared as the knob controlling the amount of fuel was turned by hitting Faye's knee on it's way down.

"SHIT!" she hissed as it barely grazed her open wound. She had forgotten about it as she had cared for Spike, too caught up in taking care of him to notice the trail of blood she was leaving everywhere.

__

**********************flashback**********************

"Now, stay still, my dear," the old doctor told her. She trembled in her mother's arms and looked away, her eyes closed tightly in fear.

"This is a VERY old technique, but there is a shortage of the medicine you need...so please, dear, I'd never do this if it weren't for that reason. You know Doctor Bender loves you."

He very carefully held the flame an inch and a half above her wound and watched as it sealed. She didn't scream once.

"What a good girl!" the nurse cooed sweetly. "Here's a lollipop for being such a good patient."

__

**********************end flashback**********************

Faye sat on the floor, stunned by such an odd and sudden flashback. She crawled slowly back to the room where Spike was waiting and didn't see the concerned look on his face as she collapsed with emotion.

After a few tense seconds of silence, the radio speakers crackled loudly.

"Vicious wants you dead...."


	4. Old Friends

The words spoken so coldly hung in the air like icicles. Faye's spine felt frozen and she shivered from fear and anxiety. Whoever these people where, they were obviously after Spike. Were these members....of the Red Dragon Mafia?

Couldn't be.

Why would they be after him, and why now? If they had any reason to try to get rid of them, wouldn't they have done it earlier? And why were they looking for him in the first place? He hadn't done anything with anyone even vaguely tied to the Syndicate.

__

Ugghhhhhhh.

She forced herself to sit up and spotted the silhouette of Spike's lanky form sitting forward on the couch. The remnants of Earth's shattered moon managed to reflect some sunlight into his rust-colored eyes, making them look like two marbles. With his unruly hair, he almost looked like a wolf with glowing eyes.

She shivered.

"S-Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you....know who those guys are?"

".....I'm not quite sure....I don't recognize the voices.....but I'm afraid I might. They could be from the Syndicate....DAMN Vicious."

Faye's eyes widened. Never had she heard Spike speak in that tone - his voice, usually light and carefree, was now dripping with hate and building anger. It scared her.

"Why do you hate him?" she asked solemnly, and sat on the couch next to him.

Spike groaned. "Do you HAVE to ask?"

"Yes." She looked him square in the eyes. "Yes, I do."

Spike took a breath. "It....had to do with....Julia. Is that enough for you or do I need to further twist the knife into my flesh?"

Faye's eyes softened. "No, that's eno-"

"Spike....we know you're there...." a deep, menacing voice boomed over the radio.

"Dammit!"

Spike summoned his strength, and with Faye's help, made his way to the radio. He sat down carefully on the cushioned chair, thankful that his injury wasn't still making him fall into lapses of unconsciousness.

"Who IS this?" he demanded.

A triumphant chuckle came on after a sharp crackle of static. "We knew you were there."

"I'm warning you....TELL ME WHO YOU ARE!"

"No need to yell, dear Spike. This is Tom, and my partners Nimh, Jordan, and Kwan. Red Dragon Syndicate I.D.s 193735-"

"I don't recognize any of your names. You're rookies."

Silence. A few tense moments passed before they replied.

"We've been on for about two months. On an assignment to crush the beginnings of a rival syndicate that fled to Neptune, we chickened out. We'd never been exposed to so much at the same time, and hauled ass outta there. Now, of course, there's no returning once you've screwed up like that. The Elders would do God knows what to us."

"Uh huh...."

Spike waited impatiently for the man to continue. His leg was bouncing up and down as he tapped his heel, keeping his toe on the ground. Faye watched him anxiously. This was turning out to be interesting.

"So we've been floating around space for a few weeks now, trying to figure out where to go. Vicious called one of our personal ships and left a message -"

There were fumbling noises and muffled voices before they found the answering machine's tape:

"'I know you messed up. I can help you. If you find a fella for me, I'll make sure everything blows over with the Elders. The guy I want is a man by the name of Spike. Spike Spiegel. If you haven't heard about him from older members, I think you need to clean your ears out. I've received information from a valuable source as to the whereabouts of the ship he's on, but I'm busy with....something. Acquiring him alive and bringing him to me is your assignment. The ship is about 8,000 miles from Earth in the direction of Mars. Fulfill this mission and you will be allowed to return. Fail, and I will see to it that you are exposed of immediately.'"

Again, rustlings of movement.

"We didn't exactly have much choice..."  
"Yeah. Well, do you plan on 'acquiring me alive' and taking me to him?"

"That depends. One, we really don't know if we can trust Vicious. We know he's been known to double cross, because he's ruthless in getting what he wants."

"Amen," Spike said under his breath.

A new voice came over the radio.

"We don't exactly know why he wants you dead, either, and we're thinking maybe we can pop a deal out of this other than just letting us return....you know, a few extra thousand woolong never hurt anybody."

Spike smirked at this.

VERY obviously rookies. Probably distant family members to a member of the Red Dragons or some wide-eyed innocent that had heard thrilling stories about the Red Dragons and had decided to join.

__

Damn fools.

"Also, we're not sure if we really want to return. I mean, it can't be THAT hard to hide from them somewhere in the galaxy....they have more important things to do than take care of us, and we've realized that lifestyle is.....too stressing for our tastes."

__

GOD damned fools.

Spike leaned back against the chair, took a long drag on his cigarette, and smirked.

"So....what'd you hear about me?"

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A/N: Sorry that was so short! I've written out the basic ideas for the rest of this story, and I'm very anxious to get it out on FFNet. ^_^ Please R&R!


	5. A New Interest

Disclaimer: I do not own "She's All I Ever Had." That belongs to Ricky Martin or his writers or record company, which probably owns him too. No suing the author! o_O

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Faye nearly had to restrain herself from just reaching out and decking him, but also stifled a giggle. For the next ten minutes the Red Dragon members and Spike exchanged thoughts on Vicious, recent organized robberies, and such. 

Faye looked around, bored. She yawned several times but Spike paid no attention. 

__

Wait a minute....

Her lips twisted into a smirk.

Creeping silently out of the room, she felt her way to the back hatch as quietly as she could, doing her best not to bump into anything in the dark. Instead of opening the hatch, which would have surely been heard by Spike, she opened a window and climbed out, landing gracefully on her feet and crouching outside in the warm but windy atmosphere of Earth.

With cat-like grace she snuck her way over to one of the ships that these Red Dragon members were on. Getting her gun ready, she carefully climbed up an outside ladder (used to fix the ship from outside while they were in space) and looked in.

__

Who is THAT?

A gorgeous blonde-haired, blue-eyed hunk of a man was standing with his arms crossed, watching his less refined crew members chat animatedly with the legendary Spike Spiegel. He looked around, bored. Glancing down at his nails, he scraped some blood out from underneath them from a banker they had injured on Triton a week ago. Unlike dust, blood seemed to taint you, especially when you were a member of a monster killing system.

Jordan had long ago given up on saving his humanity. Although he could be just as cold-hearted and selfish as his teammates, he justified it with his anger over the death of his brother, who had been a high-ranking Red Dragon. 

__

Damn assassins.

He slowly turned around to walk to his room, bored beyond belief, when he saw something in the window. When he turned, however, it was gone. He shook it off uneasily and proceeded down the corridor.

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Faye held on frantically to the rungs of the ladder. 

__

What the hell?!?......Has it really been THAT long since I've seen a man? Wait....I'm with Jet and Spike all the time....which is probably why I was so in awe of that beautiful....

She smirked to herself as she jumped down. Slowly, the smirk turned into a grin, then a full-out smile, and she broke out laughing, cackling, until her sides hurt. She crumpled to the ground with the weakness of release.

She felt so free. So renewed. So replenished, revitalized, reborn, rejuvenated.

She didn't feel like she was in love with another.

Now that she had the option to, she had actually felt attracted to someone else. Maybe....her feelings for Spike HADN'T been as strong as she feared them to be. Maybe she was getting a chance to fall in love with someone who HADN'T already given up his heart and soul.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the cock of a gun directly behind her. Slowly, she turned around and looked straight into captivating blue eyes.

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The radio system crackled and the screen finally started giving him a picture. A thin, lanky man with slicked-back hair and thin, wiry glasses flicked onto the glass and into Spike's eyes.

He was dressed in a specific kind of suit, the grayish pinstriped ones with cuffs on the wrists and ankles. Suits of this kind were given to new members to let the more seasoned ones know who they had to look out for during assignments. After 6 months of staying with the syndicate, you would be given a regular black suit which the older members wore. If you had stayed in the syndicate for more than 15 years, you would wear a red suit showing that you weren't afraid of making yourself an easy target - you knew what you were doing and anyone who attempted to harm you wouldn't live long enough to see another sunrise.

No one in the Red Dragon syndicate wore a red suit....no one had ever stayed alive that long as a member.

"One of the stories we heard was something about how you and Vicious were caught during a drug bust getting a new kind of biochemical weapon buried in white powder, disguised to look like some form of narcotics so no one who would be wandering Tijuana's alleys would think anything was out of place. Didn't you two blow up a whole 3 blocks getting away?"

Spike couldn't help but smile, reminiscing of old times he and Vicious used to share. Those surely were the days. He had had a best friend he could rely on, a supportive syndicate led by the Elders, who were appreciative of his work, and.....and Julia.

__

Julia....

Julia, the saint in a leather catsuit. The rebellious goddess that had captured my heart. She is my savior. My everything.

.....or is she?

She was at one time, I know that with every kicking cell in my body. But....it sure had been a while. Over the years I've spent so many extra minutes, just a few each day, thinking about her. And then there were times like last night when Faye found me outside, when the feeling just washes over me, drowns me in its suffocating masses.

@]----'----,----

Here I am

Broken wings

Quiet thoughts

Unspoken dreams

Here I am

Alone again

I need her now

To hold my hand

She's all, she's all I ever had

She's the air I breathe, yeah

She's all, she's all I ever had...

@]----'----,----

__

And.....and that's the problem. Julia is ALL I've ever had, the only person I've ever loved with all my heart, in the depths of my soul. The only being in this world I would have given everything to, done anything for. The woman who had been my sanity, my one and only love.

But it's been so long....and I don't know if the feelings are really still there or if they died with the old me on the night when I decided to leave the syndicate. 

Am I just holding on because I've known this feeling too long, because it was my stability throughout all these lonely nights? All these cold, cold nights?

I really don't know. What I do know is that I'm glad there aren't any attractive women around the Bebop. Not that many are, but the thought of ever falling for someone else is not only highly improbable, but....ethically, just....just wrong.

Like breaking a promise to your soul mate. 

It would tear me apart, and I definitely don't need anymore pain than I have.

Thank God Faye isn't in the least attractive.

Spike smirked to himself and was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Nimh's voice.

"Spike? You there?"

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"What are you doing?"

Faye blinked in shock a few times before she gathered her wits and turned on the female charm.

"What do you want me to do?"

Despite himself, he had to laugh. Lowering his gun a little, he helped her up.

"I take it you're riding on the same ship as Spike?"

"Good guess. You must be a genius."

Jordan smiled. "What a lucky man he is."

Faye's confidence, which had, in truth, diminished with her travels on the Bebop, made her smile a sexy little grin that instantly lighted Jordan's face. Apparently he hadn't seen a beautiful woman in a while.

"I'm Faye." She held out her hand cockily, getting a condescending, catch-me-if-you-can kind of attitude. 

"Jordan." He took her hand and instead of shaking it, turned it over and bent to kiss it.

A well broke inside her, and she allowed herself to be charmed, flirting back teasingly.

"Nice to meet you. It seems our boys are getting along just fine....why don't we go back to my ship and check up on Spike? You two should meet anyhow."

Faye's mind began working furiously, thinking of a way to release her fellow crew members to show these idiots they didn't know who they were messing with. Humiliation was the best medicine for over-confident, inexperienced rookies.

She smiled to herself.

__

At least Jordan might prove to be good for something....

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Spike twisted his cigarette into a nearby ashtray and leaned back in his chair, wincing slightly at the biting pain in his stomach.

"Faye! Are there any painkillers in the first aid kit?"

He listened intently for a few minutes. Nothing. Suddenly, he heard the back hatch open and heard laughing. 

"....Faye?"

"Spike," she greeted as she came into the room. "I want you to meet someone. This is Jordan."

Spike turned his neck carefully to avoid doing more damage to his wound and looked indifferently at the man who so obviously was attracted to Faye.

He nearly puked with disgust as the strapping man's eyes traveled down his partner's body unrestingly.

His forehead creased and his lips curled into a suspicious frown.

"I'm Spike. Where the hell did _YOU_ come from?"

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A/N: Did you guys like the chapter? Sorry for the long wait, I wanted to see what people thought of how the story was coming along, and I wanted to get 20 reviews before I continued so I knew what direction to take it in. ^_^ In the next chapter, things FINALLY get going between Spike and Faye....I think I see Spike's eyes turning green over Jordan! ^_-


	6. Caught Red-Handed

"I'm on the same ship as Nimh."

Jordan easily, warmly, even, extended his hand with the naivety of a child to the cold legend before him.

Spike looked at his hand and examined his handsome face.

Somehow, he knew this man would give him trouble in the future.

Finally, after a long, uncomfortable silence, Spike took his hand gruffly and shook it hard.

"Spike Spiegel."

He then turned around to continue his conversation with Nimh.

Jordan raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Faye shrugged at him and took his arm.

"Here, let me show you around the ship."

He smiled at her and proceeded to let her lead him around the Bebop.

The first place Faye took him to was the "garage" that sheltered the Hammerhead, Swordfish II, and Redtail. Faye had just finished polishing her ship a few days ago, bored and eager to get her mind off her empty stomach. She was thankful now that she had.

It shone like a CEO's shoe, making it seem a little glamorous. However, it's many scars and dents added an air of toughness, inspiring awe and admiration from Jordan.

__

What in the world does she DO? These are laser marks....

The Red Dragons always flew in small groups and didn't know what it was like to pilot their own ships in battle. Usually each man had a specific job, like driving, controlling the guns, etc.

And here stood this gorgeous, charming, sexy woman who independently piloted this awesome ship. 

And it made her all the more attractive.

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"Here, let me show you around the ship," Spike imitated under his breath in a high voice, very irritated.

__

Why is this bothering me so much?

He knew the answer. But he couldn't bring himself to admit it.

Faye, who was so loud, so obnoxious, so rude, how could SHE be so....

His heart kicked in.

{Wonderful? Caring? Self-sacrificing?}

Flashes of her taking care of him when he was falling in and out of consciousness came flooding back to him and he moaned.

__

What the hell is happening to me? What the hell happened to HER?

That was the question on his mind. What had happened to the cold-hearted, selfish, ruthless gambler who had first stepped foot on this ship?

Sure, she was beautiful and had a great body....if Spike hadn't noticed that, he wouldn't have been a red-blooded male. But there were plenty of beautiful women in the galaxy....in this day and age, even big, burly men could be made into drop-dead gorgeous women.

But her wit was something rare indeed. Their fights always added interest to his day, although sometimes they got to the point of full-out yelling and harsh insults. He had to admit that Julia was JUST gorgeous and mysterious, kind and....well, accommodating. She molded herself to the men she fell for. She didn't really have much of a personality....but back then he had been so starved for something of a higher level, something other than blood and gore and hatred, that when he got to the breaking point, he had simply reached out and grabbed it.

It was something called love.

A sad, guilty little smile crossed Spike's face. It hadn't hurt that Julia used to be a model. 

The smile twisted into an evil grin.

__

OR that I really needed to be laid.....

"Hey, Nimh. I'm going to take a break, I'm hungry and well....I just need to think. By the way, when do you plan on giving us our comrades back?"

"Huh? Oh! You can have them, I mean, you're SPIKE SPIEGEL. The only man who's ever left the syndicate alive, or so it's told."

The other Red Dragon members nodded and murmured comments of agreement.

Spike had to resist the urge to grin.

__

Still haven't lost their innocence completely. Must not have seen much of our business yet...

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"Wow....so this is your ship?" Jordan asked, his eyes sparkling as he caressed the Redtail with a perfectly manicured hand.

"Um-hmm," Faye replied nonchalantly, taking pleasure in his reaction. She leaned against a curve of the ship, thrusting her chest out proudly and putting her hands behind her head.

"So what's your business with Spike? Are you a bounty hunter too?"

"Yeah, when I'm not gambling. It's a nice thrill going after criminals for big bounties," she completely lied.

Jordan, who wasn't an idiot by a long shot and had studied psychology when he was younger, knew she was trying to impress him. A woman of her beauty who wasn't a stuck-up snob was hard to come by. At least in the syndicate, anyway. They were almost all taken or had boyfriends and were filthy rich. If you tried hitting on them you'd instantly have hit men after you.

He was definitely good-looking and charming, and if it weren't for his stubborn nature, he'd probably have a top-notch job, a wonderful wife, and kids right now.....instead of trying to avenge his brother's senseless death. He didn't realize that he'd almost certainly meet the same fate.

On their missions to other planets, he'd get plenty of invitations to many a woman's suite or private cabin, but he wasn't looking for someone easy, willing to jump into bed with the first handsome man who'd accept her offer....he was looking for someone with more self-respect. Someone who knew how to play, how to spark his interest.

And here she was. The first one to actually appear completely attractive in a while. Now that he had found her, his mission was clear in his mind: find out more about her, then decide for sure if he wanted her. If he did, he WAS going to make her his wife. He wanted out of this life as soon as possible - he was already 31, too old to be out adventuring like this if he didn't need to. He wanted something to comfort him other than merely his family. Someone to share a bed with who would more than happily make sacrifices for him. Hopefully, Faye was the one.

"Jordan?"

"Hmm? Oh sorry, I must've zoned out."

"No problem. Here, let me show you around the rest of the ship."

She took him around the storage closet and took him in the direction of her room, smiling evilly at the thought of what she could do if she wanted to. No Jet, no Ed, no stupid dog....just Spike up at the front, still talking to those syndicate members.

Nothing holding her back.

Still, something tugged at her supposedly non-existent heart, begging her not to get carried away - reminding her that she had fallen for someone else. But....didn't she have the right to "explore her other options?" It's not like Spike would ever let go of his precious Julia anyway....at least with Jordan, she had a chance at real happiness. 

Something she'd longed for for such a long time.

"Watch your step," she warned as they entered the rotating room where Ed always monkeyed around when she wasn't hacking.

Jordan uneasily stepped down into the room and laughed nervously, blushing when he tripped over himself. Faye couldn't help but giggle, and when she did, he joined in with her, laughing at his own lack of grace.

__

Oh God, how embarrassing.

Faye watched as his cheeks turned even redder. 

__

How adorable! Spike and Jet never blush....it's like they don't get embarrassed. Funny how endearing it is to see a grown man humiliated....

"Aww, don't be embarraseed. You're so cute when you blush!" she said as she jokingly poked him in the ribs.

__

What the hell am I doing? I've never let a man reduce me to a giggly, flirty little school girl!

Jordan laughed and jumped away, then dodged for her, grabbing her about her thin waist and unmercilessly applying pressure to her sides with his fingertips as he ran them up and down her ribs. She squirmed, hitting him playfully and yelling at him between uncontrollable fits of laughter.

Desperate to win and prove her strength (she would never, EVER, make herself appear weak to a man to gain his approval - she'd rather make sure he knew she could take care of herself, even if it meant losing him), she reached up and around him, clenching his midsection with her arms, and flipped him over onto his back. Instantly, she pounced onto him, tickling him hard in as many locations as she could think of.

He grabbed her shoulders and smiled a genuine, full-out smile.

__

Oh God, he's handsome.

She stopped tickling him and realized she was dangerously close to him. Her legs were bent and underneath her, her knees pressed against his side. Her breasts hung directly above his stomach, as she was leaned over and poised where she had been when she had attacked him.

His eyes bored into hers like sapphire drills.

He was gently pulling her towards him, so gradually that she barely felt it.

__

Okay, Faye....are you going to let him do this? Are you taking this one step further than it should be? Are you sure it's not too soon? Are you even ready for any kind of affection?

She froze when she heard the door to the room open and closed her eyes in instant regret.

__

Spike...

She turned around slowly to see the man she had once thought she loved with his hands shoved in his pockets and his head just a degree lower than it usually was.

__

Could it be....? Nah....no way....

As he stepped in, she saw a fleeting look not-quite escape from his eyes. It sort of wriggled and fought its way behind those beautiful irisis, disappearing, yet leaving them slightly darker than they usually were.

"Faye," he started with a hoarse voice, then quickly cleared his throat.

"Ugh, pardon me," he said passively to Jordan. "I didn't mean to interrupt anything....but Faye, can I talk to you....privately?"

He made it seem like the matter to be discussed was simply about physical things - repairs on the ship, perhaps the negotiations between he and the men on the other two ships, or something of the like.

But something in the pit of Faye's stomach twisted nervously as she got up and helped Jordan to his feet.

"Just a moment," she said quietly, and walked out behind Spike.

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A/N: Okay, not TOO eventful of a chapter....what do you guys think? Did I lead Faye and Jordan together too quickly? I was going for that teenage-ish spur-of-the-moment thing along with natural attraction and the more adult kind of I've-been-wandering-around-too-long-being-lonely thing. I hope it works for my readers...o_O Again, I apologize for the lessening of quality in this chapter, I felt compelled to write more since I received 12 reviews in less than two days. ^_______^ Love you guys, please review with suggestions/disappointments, etc. I promise the next chapter will be MUCH MUCH better.


	7. Broken Dams

Disclaimer: "She's Like the Wind" is sung by Patrick Swayze and is on the "Dirty Dancing" soundtrack. Whoever it belongs to, I'm sorry, but I'm using it to more accurately depict my fic! WITH NO WRITTEN PERMISSION, EITHER! HAH!!!

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The door slid shut with a cold clang that resonated in the walls of the Bebop. Faye's heart continued to sink as she followed Spike around several corners until they were finally back in the 'living room.'

Spike gestured for her to sit. She did. He took the couch opposite her and sat with his legs apart, leaning down between them with his elbows resting on his knees.

__

This is it. What do I tell her?

Faye couldn't even bring herself to look at him. Guilt ripped and tore at her heart until she couldn't breathe, and slowly, almost painfully, burning tears blurred her vision. She slumped on the couch weakly.

__

If I don't love him, then why....why does this hurt so much?

Spike watched her carefully, wondering what she was thinking.

__

It's not like I have any control over what she does....we're not even together. We haven't shared a kiss, not one....not yet.

His chest constricted suddenly, causing him to take a sharp intake of breath.

__

Well, Spike, here we go. Now or never. Last chance before....you might lose her forever.

"Faye...."

She looked up into his beautiful eyes - eyes tinged with sorrow and compassion.

"I....came into the room planning to request to talk to you by yourself anyway....it's not like I was going to say, 'You can't kiss him,' because....it's not my place....and I didn't want you thinking that I think that I have any amount of control over you, because I sure as hell don't. I learned that the hard way."

He gave her a sad little grin.

Faye just laughed uneasily. 

__

Like heck you don't.

"And...I wanted to tell you that the syndicate members are going to let Jet, Ed, and Ein go, but they want a promise of my loyalty or something. Like I'm still the best of buddies with Vicious and am going to go off tattling on them when he would kill ME before I could even get a word out."

Spike rolled his eyes.

"Apparently they're too lunk-headed to think about that."

Faye had to laugh. When Spike gave her a quizzical look, she said, "Oh, nothing, it's just that I can hear Ed screaming, 'LUNKHEAD!' repeatedly in my head."

Spike grinned. 

*Oh man she's beautiful when she's like this....no acts, no front, just....Faye.*

"Anyway," he continued, dropping his voice to such a low level it made her shiver. He took a deep breath.

"The other thing I wanted to talk about with you when I saw.....Jordan-" his voice cracked. 

"Excuse me," he said quickly, and coughed. 

__

Damn. This isn't going to be as easy as I thought.

"When I saw Jordan....and you like....that.....I just....I need to tell you something. Something I haven't even confirmed in my own head. But I need to get it out."

@]----'----,----

She's like the wind through my tree

She rides the night next to me

She leads through moonlight

Only to burn me with the sun

She's taken my heart but she doesn't know what she's done....

@]----'----,----

Faye looked at him in disbelief, seeing a rare showing of his weak side, and her heart cried out in pain for him. Not for her, for once, but for him. Entirely for him. For Spike. For the man she loved. And something deep within her opened up as she sensed that now more than ever, he needed her. And she was going to be there for him no matter what. Getting up and sitting next to Spike, who now had his head in his hands, she ran her hand up and down his back reassuringly.

Spike, surprised to find that she was so close so soon, looked up into her eyes. Sensing empathy from her, he started again.

"But....before I tell you that, I'd like to tell you a story. There once was a white cat who lived a million lives and was owned by many different people, but he never really got attached to any of them. Every time he would die, he'd be reborn, and this was his curse. He went on many adventures, learned a lot in life, but it never seemed to get him anywhere because he could never find peace. Every time he died, he'd immediately return, with no rest, no friends he could keep, nothing to call his own.

One day, he met a tiger-striped cat who he fell in love with. This cat was mysterious, angelic...beautiful...."

His eyes got that far-off look Faye had only seen when she caught him alone by himself. 

The look that he got when he thought of Julia.

__

Damn. And for a minute I actually thought he cared.

The open gates that had released her love for him now just as quickly closed. 

Spike continued, "....but totally unsatisfying in a way."

Faye looked up in surprise to be met with Spike's serious gaze.

"Sure, he loved her, he had loved her for the longest time, even when he lost her...but with time, he came to realize that...that maybe it WASN'T meant to be. Because if it was, he wouldn't have left her, he wouldn't have had a hunger for something more, he wouldn't have....started to have feelings for another cat."

__

Okay, here we go....

"Faye, when you....I mean not that....well, I tried....okay, this isn't working."

He almost had to laugh at his conversational skills. Or lack thereof.

"Okay, think stew." Their stomachs growled instantaneously and they couldn't help but laugh.

"To make a good stew, what do you need? You need pearly white onions."

He held one hand out, cupped as if he had onions in it, and shook it with emphasis.

Faye looked at him like he was crazy. _Has he lost his marbles?_

"Pearly, angelic little onions, that wouldn't ever hurt a soul. Onions from heaven, even. And then you have the fiery orange carrots, the sharp, mean ones. Carrots from hell!" He stopped to bring out his other hand. Shaking violently, he continued.

"What do these things have in common? NOTHING! But you need both of them," he brought his hands together, "to make a good stew."

"Uh....huh. What about the meat? And the spices? And the broth?"

Spike stood up and stormed the floor like an over-zealous TV preacher. 

"You say 'What of the meat, the spices, the broth?' But I tell you, my brothas and sistas, that these things, they don't MATTA!" he exclaimed, now holding his head in his hands.

"The great chef cooks in mysterious ways!!!"

__

Ohhhhhh boy. He's finally gone crazy from Jet's cooking.

"So, my point is," he said, regaining his composure, shaking his head a few times as if to clear it, and sitting down again calmly with a smirk on his face, "that one thing can't do it for you. And Julia...she was kind of like my onions. And just recently I've realized that, well, I need....carrots. You follow me?"

As bizarre as this analogy was, Faye nodded in understanding.

"I need someone who isn't a goody-goody trying to gain some self-respect by joining a big-time mafia. I need someone who is independent. I need someone who I know I can count on, someone loyal. Someone I can give comfort to, too. And I'd like to know....if....maybe....if maybe you're in need like me?"

As much as he tried to disguise the hope in his voice, Faye easily detected it.

__

Damn, Spike thought to himself. _Why did you have to do that?!? Maybe she....she really has feelings for that guy. What's his name? Josie? Jane? Oh, yeah, JORDAN. It's only been, what, a few hours? How should I know, she just LEFT without a sound. I can't believe....it's come to this. When I saw her like that with someone else, I wanted to just....beat the living daylights out of him. I had never really taken time to think about it, but subconsciously, I guess I had always hoped that it would be ME who she falls for, ME who would help her re-discover herself, ME who would finally make her happy. And I wanted to be the first to give her a kiss since....since she awoke. Ha, and I wanted that 2,000 woolong Jet and I had wagered if one of us kissed her. But still....I think....I think my feelings are getting stronger. _

He could have kicked himself. 

Meanwhile, Faye was deep in thought.

__

So, he DOES care. But how much? He hasn't the slightest clue what I feel about him.

"Spike, I-"

He held his breath. Thoughts flooded his mind as those two little words were spoken.

__

What if this screws everything up? What if she wants him, not me? Or worse, ANYONE but me? She's said that before....I wouldn't be surprised if she meant it. Why would she care anyway, when I try so hard to make it seem like I don't?

"Wait!"

Spike grabbed her shoulders and turned her to him.

"Before you say anything, I...I have to be the first..."

And then, without another word, his thin lips met her lush red ones.

@]----'----,----

I feel her breath on my face

Her body close to me

Can't look in her eyes

She's out of my league

Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs

She's like the wind

I look in the mirror

And all I see

Is a young old man

With only a dream

Am I just fooling myself

That she'll stop the pain?

Living without her

I'd go insane....

@]----'----,----

Spike pulled back to look into her eyes, filled with precious tears.

@]----'----,----

I feel her breath on my face

Her body close to me

Can't look in her eyes

She's out of my league

Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs

She's like the wind...

@]----'----,----

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A/N: REVIEW! Too fast? Too weird? Too OOC? ***NOBODY*** even ONCE asked me why I had named my fic "Stew." I was really surprised. Anyway, here's the explanation. ^_- "Stew" motivational speech written and given to the PMMU by Brad Moyer, all his idea! Please tell me what you think, suggestions, complaints, wishes, and constructive criticism are ALWAYS welcome! ^_^


	8. He Did It

Disclaimer: Sorry to you readers who don't like songfics, but I do. I've planned out a whole butt-load of them for this fic. This time it's "I Did It," by the Dave Mattews Band. I don't own it, didn't write it, blah blah blah....

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__

What just took place here? Jordan thought bewilderedly, still sitting on his butt in the suddenly cold room.

__

Did I do something?

He got to his feet, shivering slightly. Maybe he had missed something. Maybe Faye and Spike were....no, that couldn't be. Not with all the stories he'd heard about Vicious' old girlfriend, Julia. The highest-ranking female in the syndicate was often the target of many lustful stares, but of course, if Vicious caught you, he'd castrate you on the spot.

__

I thought she and Spike still had something going on....wasn't there a rumor that they were lovers? Yes, that was it. Vicious allowed no room for error, and when Julia had screwed up one too many assignments, he had beaten her. Not too badly, but still enough to anger Spike. Or so that's the way the story's told....

He got up and exited the room, walking slowly around the halls of the Bebop, thinking to himself.

__

And....when Spike saw the marks and bruises on her, he went ballistic. Snapped. Almost killed Vicious. Hell, they almost killed each other, they were so equally matched. The other Red Dragons began taking sides, placing bets, and violence broke out among them as well.....and when the Elders heard about it, they put it to an end. Had the living daylights smacked out of both of them, to teach them a lesson and to serve as an example that NO ONE in THEIR syndicate was going to disobey them, even the two men who were bound to be the future leaders of it.

He turned a corner and could hear voices now. Accelerating his speed, he crept silently along a wall when the voices got clear and carefully peeked around the corner.

Spike and Faye were talking....it didn't seem like it was anything very important. He heard a fragment of something Spike had said....something about....stew? And they both had laughed. As Jordan continued to watch them, he examined the wiry, easy-going, poofy-haired man and wondered how HE could be THE Spike Spiegel. A master martial artsman. An incredibly skilled fighter. A legend in the mafia.

__

And then.....and then he left. The Elders tried to convince him to stay, but he left anyway. Left just like that, with no words to Vicious or anyone else. Not even Julia. He left her, and she still loved him. But does he still.....love her?

Spike was now speaking heatedly about....carrots?

Jordan smiled to himself as he headed back to the rotating room (well, it appeared to rotate, but the room itself didn't actually turn).

__

I need to get my ears checked.

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Oblivious to how close they had been to being discovered a few minutes earlier, Spike and Faye were still sitting close together on the couch.

Faye looked at Spike breathlessly.

__

Did....did that just happen?!?

She leaned into him and kissed him hard, savoring this delicious moment. Her long, white fingers entwined themselves in his soft green hair.

When she finally pulled away, she caressed the side of his face ever-so gently with her silky smooth hand. Spike closed his eyes, her touch pure electricity, then opened them and smiled at her, a beautiful, serene smile that took her breath away.

"Spike....I was going to say that....that I....I do. I do need you, I do want you."

For once, Spike was speechless. After a few moments of stunned silence, he croaked, "You....what?"

She laughed. "I do," she repeated quietly.

"God, Faye, I always knew you were fast, but you're acting like we're at the alter!"

Faye's mouth dropped open for a second and she elbowed him.

He chuckled, rubbing his chest where she hit it, and leaned back, feeling almost euphoric. Faye leaned back into him, resting her back on his side and tilting her head back so it was resting on his shoulder.

Spike had his eyes closed, wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into.

__

Is this right? I can't believe I did it. What if I still love Julia? It would....hurt Faye. I'd never do that on purpose, as annoying as she is sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't have told her. Maybe this was the wrong decision to make. Maybe-

He opened his eyes to the gloriously tempting sight of Faye's long, milky-white neck just a few inches from his face.

__

....nah.

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The little communication radio beeped twice before Jordan answered it. Whipping out the antenna, he pressed a button and held it up to his ear.

"Yeah?"

"Jordan! Where have you BEEN? We've been looking for you forever!"

"Woah, calm down, Kwan. What do you want? Do you NEED me or something?"

"Well, you know how we were just going to let these people go? Two of the guys from the other ship still think we should get Spike so Vicious won't come after us, but they haven't even talked to him. All the guys on our ship think we should just let them go, but we need your opinion."

"Well of course I'm going to say let them go! I'm here on their ship right now!"

Silence.

"WHAT?!?"

"You heard me."

"But....but why??"

"I'm just visiting a new friend." He smirked at the panic in his friend's voice.

"Don't worry about me, Kwan, just let them go. Tell the other ship that we are sticking to the original plan of taking up residence on Triton. Ever since the war, no one's bothered to visit. It's perfect."

"Fine. But we need you over here, just a safety precaution. You never know what these people might do if they suddenly decide to get revenge on us."

Jordan sighed. "Okay, I'll be right over."

He turned off the mini radio and looked around. He couldn't be too far from Faye's room. Going out the door on the opposite side of the one he had come through, he wandered until he found it. Cigarette boxes, a few ship parts, some poker chips, a broken die, and a bra were lying strewn around the room.

__

It's either Faye's or a drag queen's. Hmm....yeah, it's Faye's, he thought as he picked up the bra. It was labeled 34C.

"Yep. Spike definitely is NOT a C."

He took a pen out of his pocket and write carefully on the outside of one cup, "Faye - give me a ring sometime," and left his private vidphone number.

With one last look around, he made his way to the nearest window and jumped out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

__

Do I dare to? What if she slaps me?

Spike grinned to himself, still staring at her neck.

__

Ah hell. It's worth it.

He leaned down and almost shyly kissed her throat. His soft lips seared her skin, and Faye gasped in surprise as her eyes shot wide open. Spike very lightly trailed kisses down her jawbone and under her chin, reaching the hollow of her throat. Faye sighed lovingly and put her arms around his neck.

She hugged him tightly, then whispered, "What exactly do you need me for?"

Spike chuckled.

"Well, that depends on-"

"VVVVROOMMMM!!!!"

Ed came leaping into the room. Faye jumped up and nearly lost her balance. Jet came in a few seconds later, holding Ein in his arms.

"Oooh! What were Faye-Faye and Spike-person doing? Playing a game? Ed wants to play too!"

"No, Ed, we weren't playing a game," Faye said, turning a near scarlet.

"Excuse me...."

She walked off in a daze, still hot from Spike's kisses.

"Hey, Spike!" Jet said gruffly, obviously peeved. "Those 'friends' of yours aren't too polite. They just tied us up and threw us in their ship like criminals. Stupid amateurs. One was playing around with the radio like he was a little kid, talking in fake deep voices, trying to sound scary. Idiots....I can't believe men like that are in the Red Dragon syndicate."

"Chill, Jet. They're probably just related to other members and the Elders will put up with them until they finally grow up."

Jet mumbled something under his breath.

Spike had to smile. Should he announce that he had won the bet? 

@]----'----,----

I did it  
Do you think I've gone too far?  
I did it  
Guilty as charged  
I did it  
It was me right or wrong  
I did it  
Yeah  
  
It's a nickel or a dime for what I've done  
The truth is that I don't really care

For such a lovely crime I'll do the time

You better lock me up I'll do it again

@]----'----,----

"Anyway, did we miss anything?" Jet asked, propelling Spike out of his little world.

"No, not really..." Spike could feel his face heating up and he didn't know if it was showing.

Jet just sighed, not paying attention, and sat down wearily on the couch.

"I had planned to get food and a doctor. Speaking of which, how's your wound? When I left it looked like it was giving you a pretty hard time."

"I think it's getting better. Either that or it's so painful, the nerves got numb. I'm not feeling it."

Jet looked at him like he was crazy.

"You don't FEEL it?"  
"Nope. Nothing."

Spike got up and walked over to Jet, patting his back. "Ah well, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm just concerned about starving to death."

Jet's stomach growled. He sighed and flopped across the couch, his arm over his eyes. 

"I'm probably making a big mistake, but....here."

He handed Spike the last of their money.

"Go get the food yourself. Take Faye with you if you can, I don't need her aggravating voice around while I'm trying to sleep. Oh, don't let her buy anything stupid and make sure that she gets her....'feminine hygeine products' this time so she doesn't flip out again."

Spike was already out of the room, roaming the ship looking for Faye.

"Faye! Where are you?"

He saw her door was slightly ajar and pushed it open. Faye was standing there, topless with her back turned towards him. She was holding a bra in her hands. 

"Come in, Spike."

He hesitated.

__

Ah, great. Way to screw things up and embarrass yourself.

Nonetheless, he came in a closed the door behind him. Faye looked over her naked shoulder at him. Their eyes met and Spike looked away, blushing a crimson color.

"Why were you looking for me?"

"Well, Jet wants us to go grocery shopping, since he's dead tired from being held hostage." Spike snickered.

"Oh, okay. I'll be ready in no time. I just was changing and I saw that....Jordan left me his number."

Spike's shoulders tensed and his smile dropped. "Oh?"

"Yeah, but that's not gonna happen. I have better...guys to do."

She turned around and winked at him.

Spike blushed again and looked down at his shoes, scuffling the carpet with his toe.

"Spike, you don't have to worry....I'm not going to do anything," she said, giggling.

__

God he's adorable!

He met her eyes again.

"Darn," he said, with a mischievous smile.

@]----'----,----  
All you people are the skewers of our dreams  
Like the cat that collared me:  
  
_"Oh, what I gotta say to you  
You got love  
Don't turn it down  
Turn it loud  
Let it build  
We got a long way to go  
But you, ya gotta start somewhere."_  
  
Go door to door  
Spread the love you got  
You got the love  
You get what you want  
Does it matter where you get it from?  
I for one  
Don't turn my cheek for anyone  
Unturn your cheek to give your love  
Love to grow  
  
I did it  
Do you think I've gone too far?  
I did it  
Guilty as charged  
I did it  
It was me right or wrong  
I did it  
Yeah....

@]----'----,----

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Argh. LOOOOONG chapter and nothing really happened. Ah well, can't have every chappie really dramatic and crammed full of twists 'cuz then it'd be a soap opera. o_O I will post the next chapter ASAP, hopefully tomorrow night. *puts on pirate hat* "Argh, maties! Thar be stormy waters ahead!" ^_- Sorry, that's just to warn of upcoming conflict, probably in the next chapter or chapter after next. Again, thank you for your reviews, the more I get, the more motivated I am to make this fic good! ^_^ Arigato!


	9. All For A Dead Duck

Spike and Faye stepped out of the Bebop with a spring to their step, secretly happy about their private time together....even if it was just to buy groceries.

They had taken extra ammo just in case they were met with anything threatening - after the crash, both were pretty paranoid. As they walked, Faye's right arm would gently brush Spike's left, and they both noticed it.

__

He's not moving away. That's a good sign.

She hasn't yelled at me. Maybe she wants me to...

Spike swung his hand a little more angled towards her until their pinkies linked "accidentally." Without allowing her time to think, he took her hand in his and kept his stare ahead, acting as if it were no big deal.

Faye half-blushed, but with the sunset, painting everything a fiery red color, it wouldn't have been visible.

When they got to a decent-looking general store, Spike stopped to drop his cigarette on the ground and snuff it out with his toe. He let go of her hand when they walked into the store and grabbed a dented, metal shopping cart that had definitely seen its days.

Faye couldn't help but shake her head as she watched him select the most expensive, grotesque-sounding foods and pile them into the cart. Although she was usually somewhat of a glutton, she backed off so Spike could have enough money to pay for the foods he bought. Some cans and jars, however, after close examination, were just so disgusting that she HAD to replace them. She put them back, wrinkling her nose at the worst one, labeled, "Aged Pickled Chipmunk Feet."

When Spike had finally finished, she grabbed some nearby products to shop-lift and joined him at the check-out counter. At a nearby table lay ancient oddities, strange toys, old newspapers, etc, under a huge sign that said "CLEARANCE!!!" A particular one caught Spike's eye, and he picked it up to examine it.

It was a sort of rectangular box with a cylindrical black tube coming out of the center. Half a canvas strap hung on by some threads. He was tempted to take it apart, but knew he'd have to pay for it if he did. Bringing it over to the clerk, he asked, "Hey, how much is this piece of junk?"

"That would be two woolong. We're trying to get rid of that stuff."

"TWO woolong?!? That - mrph!" Spike covered Faye's mouth with his hand.

"That's pretty steep."

"What??? It's only two!"

"Yeah, but this thing - whatever it is - probably isn't even worth one woolong." Spike tossed it between his hands, as if debating to purchase it.

"Well, son, I'll make a deal with you. If you buy it for two woolong, I'll lead you to an old man who knows what it was used for."

Spike looked at him suspiciously. "Okay, but if I don't find him, I'm coming back to stir up some trouble."

He gave the man an innocent smile.

"I'll take it. Would you, by any chance, at least know what it's called?"

Faye frowned and took the thing out of Spike's hand as the cashier rang up the rest of the groceries.

*What in the world does he want THIS for?*

A wave of nausea crashed down on her and she stumbled backward, slumping against a wall.

__

**********************flashback**********************

"My dear girl. Faye, look at mommy....there. You're so pretty in your new dress!"

She runs around the area. Warm sun, slight breeze. The smell of green. A blanket on the grass, a basket on the ground.

A man scoops her in his arms and twirls her about. 

"Princess Faye, they all want you! They all want you because you're beautiful...." he sang, making up the lyrics as he went along.

A female voice. "Smile for the camera, honey!"

Faye beamed at the camera, still in her father's arms.

"Cheese!"

*Click.*

__

**********************end flashback**********************

"It's a camera," she and the clerk both said at the same time. Spike turned around in surprise to see Faye sitting on the floor against the wall.

"Faye? You alright?" He helped her up and steadied her, then paid the cashier.

"Okay, the old man lives about 20 miles down the hill in the southeast direction. It's a small white shack, the only thing out there."

Spike mumbled a thanks and supported Faye with one hand as he pushed the cart with the other. When they got back, Faye had totally recovered, and although she was shaken by remembering her parents, she managed to push it out of her mind.

Spike dropped off the bags and tossed the cart into a cactus patch. He then took the 'camera' and headed towards the ship's garage.

"Faye, I'm going to go look for that old man. Wanna come?"

"Sure," she shrugged. "There's nothing else to do, anyway."

Spike smiled an awkward, sideways little grin as she climbed in next to her.

"You're such a bad liar."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The old, dusty shack was almost rotting off its hinges. Nonetheless, they knocked and waited a few minutes before being answered with a hoarse but diminutive, "Hello? Who's there?"

When introductions were through and they found themselves seated in the remains of couches from a century ago, the old man examined the device and said simply, "It's a camera. Old, old, machine. Hasn't been used since, oh, roughly 2010. It takes pictures of things, images frozen in time."

Spike's interest was peaked now. "How does it make these pictures?"

"Well, when you press this button, the camera takes a shot of what you see through this viewfinder and records it onto a film roll -"

He checked to see if there was any film inside and was surprised to see a half-used roll sitting patiently in its proper niche.

He started a long story about how he used to be a photographer and droned on for hours. Spike and Faye fell asleep. When Faye finally awoke, she looked at a cracked clock hanging crookedly on a far wall. Jumping up, she screamed, "Dammit!" and shook Spike awake.

It was nearly eleven at night. Spike rubbed his eyes wearily and asked the old man, "Is that clock right?"

"Eh....it's about an our and a half fast. Anyway, what I was saying -"

"Well, we gotta go, it's late!" Faye grabbed the camera and Spike and dashed out of there before he could resume.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

---Outside the Bebop---

"God, I thought he'd never shut up."

Spike tinkered with the camera and shot a sideways shot aimed at Faye. 

"Whoops."

__

You're not a great liar, either, she thought to herself.

"Here, lemme see that," Faye said as she took it.

"Look, there's a timer....maybe it still works."

She pressed a button and set the camera down on a nearby rock, then rushed over to Spike and put her arm around his shoulders. The camera blinked slowly at first, then faster, then stopped, flashing a two-second long beam of light at them. 

Just before it took the picture, Faye wrapped both her arms around Spike's neck and kissed him. Hard. 

He couldn't contain his surprise.

"What.....why'd.....did -"

Faye laughed. Spike shot her a sexy smile.

"Is THAT what this thing is for?" he said, getting up and pressing the same button on the camera.

__

Julia was never fun like this. She was always so melodramatic, always wanting to be the perfect girlfriend. The blank-minded pushover. Serious and un-demanding. But never fun.

The roll was used up all too soon. Spike regretted not asking for more film at the store. As Faye walked toward the steps to go inside, he saw she was cold, and offered her his jacket. She took it willingly, resisting the natural urge to steal anything in his pockets.

She gave him a warm, tired smile and ascended the stairs. Stopping on the top one, she looked down at him.

"Good-night kiss?" she asked with feigned innocence. He didn't need to be asked twice.

Leaving her lips tingling with a lingering kiss, he saw her to her room and quietly headed back out, tiptoeing because everyone else was asleep.

He walked all twenty miles back to the shack and came in to find the man still talking. He rolled his eyes.

"Is there any chance you could turn this into pictures for me?"

The old geezer looked up.

"Well, it's gonna cost ya."

"How much?"

"Hmm...." he pondered, looking around his shambled living room. Finally, his eyes rested on a stuffed mallard duck whose green feathers had fallen out.

"Well, if you'll give me a half-inch of your hair all around your head, I'll do it."

"Oh God." Spike reached a hand up to his tuft of flaxen emerald hair.

The old man approached him with a pair of rusty, mean-looking scissors.

"Deal?"

Spike sighed.

"Deal."

He held back a whimper as he felt his head getting lighter.

__

Damn. The things I do for that woman....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Thank you guys *SO* much for all the reviews! I had a National History Day paper to do along with the rough draft of my science project paper, but I put it aside after I saw how many of you reviewed. ^_^ Next chapter will hold the first major conflict of this fic. *cough*JULIA!*cough* ^_- Until then!

  



	10. I Thought I Had Left You Behind

Blonde hair, long, shimmering strands of it. Like silk, so pure, so golden.

They could only belong to one person.

"Julia?" Spike called out blindly. The white light blinded him and soon he found himself tangled in a sea of soft waves of hay-colored hair.

A face appeared. HER face. That beautiful face that had grazed digital advertisements all over the net not more than 10 years ago. 

The face he had gazed into for so long with his heart swelled with love. A positively lovely face that served as a harbor to her sparkling eyes, always sad. And those lips, those lips he had kissed so ferverently so often.....all so close.....

She walked closer, enough for him to see she was clothed in the black PVC outfit she always wore. It hugged every curve and nearly made his mouth water. Three years ago it would have been on the floor by now.

That wasn't the case.

She was now only a foot from him, gazing at him with the saddest look on her face he'd ever seen. After a tense few minutes, she finally spoke.

"Spike..."

She was absolutely gorgeous, radiant in her melancholy. Spike felt his earlier bitterness and doubt fading as the old feelings stirred up again.

"Julia," he whispered, cupping her face in his hands. Her skin was so smooth, so tender....

"Spike, you betrayed me."

Her eyes shimmered with moisture and became slits of dark blue as she tried not to let the tears fall. Her red lips quivered.

"I thought you loved me. I always loved you, Spike....what happened? Am I not good enough for you any more? You told me you'd protect me from Vicious, from the world, and then you just left."

Spike breathed a sigh of relief. _Maybe she doesn't know...._

A tear rolled down her cheek. "And you....you.....with another woman."

He froze, his heart suddenly crumbling in on itself. He struggled to breathe.

"Julia, I loved you. I did, I swear. I think....I still do...." He leaned forward to kiss her - her overwhelming prescence and smell was just too much.

She pulled away before contact, staring at him with hurt eyes. "How could you? After all we've been through, everything we've done for each other, all the secret dates late at night, everything! How COULD you? I was completely loyal -"

"Until Viscious."

She fell silent.

"That was different," she whispered. "You know it was." 

Spike instantly regretted bringing that up. Her most sensitive spot, the only area in which she was completely and ridicoulously vulnerable.

"He would have killed you if I didn't."

"That's not the point. I had left, and then you started developing feelings for him. Even if it WAS gradual, you did....and THAT is no different than what is happening now."

"But...." she squeaked. "I....never stopped. I loved you more, I always have. Your love can never compare to mine."

She looked at him squarely. "You said you think you still love me. Well....DO you? Do you honestly think you do? Do you think it'll ever be the same again, do you think we'll still get married and have children together, do you think I'll ever get out of this life?"

He couldn't answer. His entire body was shaking, he fought to keep control.

"I....I...."

But she was gone. Just an ocean of golden hair again, whispering past memories to him.

"Julia?" he asked, alarmed, his eyes wide.

"JULIA? .....JULIA!!!!"

He clutched his head in his hands as tears threatened to fall.

Finding her way back to the light, Julia heard his anguished cries.....and let them fall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Faye carefully set breakfast out onto the table, steaming hot and smelling delicious. Jet was repairing something on the Hammerhead, Ed was hacking, and Ein was playfully batting at Faye's apron strings.

She just put up with it with a smile, giving him scraps of extra sausage and eggs.

__

What the heck happened to her? Jet thought, bewildered, as he came into the room and sat down at the table. He took a sip of orange juice.

"Wow, Faye, what's gotten into you? You never did anything like this before....well, you never do anything."

"I just got tired of your rotten cooking," she replied with a grin.

__

Wow....no snappy comeback, Jet marveled.

"Someone's in a good mood this morning."

"Yeah, well....I slept well." She smirked privately to herself.

"SPIKE!!! ED!!! BREAKFAST!!!"

Jet winced at her voice and dove into his eggs, devouring them quickly without even chewing them. Ed bounced into her chair delightedly and 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed over Faye's "Extra-Super Fancy Wonderful Fantasmic Ultra Deluxe Breakfast," then started hacking into her hashbrown.

Spike emerged from his room a few minutes later, his hand on his shoulder. He rolled his neck and sat down quietly, his eyes dull.

"Hey, Spike, you okay?" Jet asked.

"Eh....I had a bad dream, that's all."

Faye took off her apron and sat down across from Spike.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said quietly, wondering if maybe he was upset about what had happened the night before.

"Ah, well, it's nothing."

Spike picked at his plate before finally managing to eat his buttered biscuit. His stomach growled, but he was too weak to pick up the fork. It seemed everything was heavier and more difficult to do now. He groaned, then, with conscious effort, got up and walked outside.

Faye followed.

"That was delicious!" Ed exclaimed, clapping her hands enthusiastically.

"I agree," Jet said with a smile, then took Spike's plate and dumped the contents onto his.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Wait! Spike!" Faye ran up along side him, very concerned.

Spike stopped and waited for her to catch up.

"Hey....did you get a haircut?"

He moaned.

"Spike, what's wrong?" she asked softly, standing in front of him. He looked at her blankly.

"I just....need some time alone."  
".....oh.....well.....tell me this. Is it me? Did I do something?"

Spike gave her a crooked grin. "No, it's not you." He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, an odd look in his eyes. It looked like sadness.

"Then....then why'd you have bad dream?"

He flinched, then dropped his hand. She could see the pain in his face.

"Oh. I see. Well....I'm sorry," she whispered, and allowed a few tears to drop. Spike's whole demeanor softened and became more human. He took a lock of her dark violet hair and breathed it in, then gently brushed her lips with his.

"I should go."

He walked slowly, weakly, into the blurry horizon. The sun caused waves of heat to blur his body as he got smaller and smaller.

Faye stared after him, shaken. For some inexplicable reason, what they had just gone through.... felt like closure.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey, old man," Spike greeted when he opened the man's door.

"I want my pictures."

"Oh, yes, of course."

The old-timer gave him a sly look as he handed the pictures to him. Spike noticed the duck was covered in green again.

"Thanks....I'll be going now...." he headed for the door and walked right into the wall, leaving a very confused man standing in the doorway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was darker now. Safer.

He sat in the shade of a particularly large cactus and looked over the pictures for what seemed like the millionth time.

The first 14 were a little messed up due to how long ago they had been taken. They were of different cities, ancient metropolitan networks of which nothing remained now, probably taken by a tourist.

Then there were his pictures. THEIR pictures.

There was the sideways one of Faye he had pretended to accidentally take, the one where she had surprised him, one where she was standing behind him (he was seated) and had her arms around his neck, a few ones where Spike had messed them up because he made both of them laugh, and one where he had tickled her to the ground.

His favorites were the first two. They were all wonderful and made him smile involutarily, but still, he felt as if he had his heart in a vice.

__

Great timing, Spike. Everything was going right. You really like her, don't you? What's wrong with you?

He shook his head, more than sad - nothing short of crushed.

It wasn't even like Julia was THERE....he didn't have to choose between them or anything, and he probably had ruined any chance of even getting either of them back.

__

Damn. Why do I do this to myself?

He got up and dusted himself off, then walked the remaining mile to the Bebop. The desert cliffs were beautiful now, tinted in much the same way they were when he had taken Faye's hand in his yesterday. He shook that thought out of his head and snuck quietly into the garage from the back so no one would see him, then climbed into the cockpit of the Swordfish II. He opened the back doors of the Bebop with a little automatic controller Ed had made, then started up his ship.

The picture of Faye became wet as he blasted off, leaving Earth behind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: I just got my PSAT scores! I got a 1240 -.- That's good enough for me, since I'm a sophomore, but I went over my test and I had actually had the right answers figured out on at least five of them, but apparently, I had written down the wrong letter. I could've had almost 1300! *sighs* Ah, well. About the chapter: CONFLICT! ^_^ Hey, you know it was bound to happen sooner or later....=( And I'm just as crushed as the rest of you about that, but hey, it's necessary! ^_- At least in my story. 


	11. It Doesn't Heal With Time

No, I do not own "I Get Lonely," it belongs to Janet Jackson. DAMN these things are a pain in the....erm....O.o;;;....glutteal region!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Faye lay wide awake on her bed, staring out of a small window at the desert sky. She heard Spike's ship start up, and without a doubt, she knew. She knew....

She knew he was gone.

Curling up into a fetal position, suddenly cold all over, she shook violently, too hurt to cry. Every muscle in her body ached, every nerve screamed in pain, every blood vessel pounded with stress.

__

Funny how these things turn out. Funny how I love you so much I feel like I've been shredded, torn to pieces, and I don't exist anymore. Funny how every part of me aches for you like....like.....

"Oh, God," she whispered hoarsely. Finally, the tears came.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~a month later*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike tossed his cigarette aside quickly as he dodged a swerving car, driven by his target.

__

I wonder how she's doing. Does she still.....what would she do if I....

The car turned around after it had missed the first time and came back towards him, tires roaring with fury and friction-caused heat. It nearly hit him. He hit the ground a split second below the car ran over him and stayed there as the two pairs of tires flew by on either side of his body.

__

Maybe you should focus, Spike. That'd be a good idea. This one's, what, how many? 3? 4 million woolong? Yeah, you could use that.

He pushed himself up nimbly and pulled out his gun, shooting bullets at the mad automobile, now coming after him again. The bullets hit the glass and one tire, but did nothing to bring the suspect to his senses.

"Shit!" Spike cursed as he saw he was out of ammo.

__

You know who could be backing you up right now?

He tucked his gun into his pocket and hurriedly assembled his bazooka from the little pack he carried with him on hunts he thought would be especially difficult. He'd only had to use it once before, and that was for a measly 5,000 woolong, but he had needed it.

Taking careful aim for the tire, he fired.

__

I wonder what her reaction would be if she saw me again, just by chance. Would she kiss me? Shoot me?The mini-missile hit dead on and exploded, sending the man up a good twenty feet. Spike ran over and caught him gruffly, then cheerfully trotted to the nearby ISSP station.

__

Why is it that bounty hunting is so much easier when you're alone?

He entered the building, turned the man in, and collected his money in a large suitcase.

__

Because you don't have feelings for others. You're only depending on yourself. You don't need to tell people to hurry up. You can plan things out without opposition. You can....

His eye fell on a couple walking towards him, both in thick coats, looking happy.

Too happy.

__

You can....become incredibly lonely.

And lonely he was. Every night he thought about her, wondered what she must think of him, and came up with what, in his mind, probably happened. She probably hated him and altogether forgot him....he would always fantasize of somehow going back and surprising her, then persuading her to leave with him.

__

Hah. Sounds familiar, he thought bitterly.

__

That fairy-tale crap never works out. Nonetheless, maybe I should pay a visit....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ed looked over, taking a break from hacking, at the miserable woman sitting vacantly at the table, staring into the incredible complexities of its metal surface.

"Faye-faye! Is Faye-faye feeling better to-day?!" Ed sang. No response. Typical by now. For the past several weeks, Faye hadn't mumbled more than ten sentences per day. Jet and Ed were becoming increasingly worried.

Finally, after collecting the bounty for a computer company exec who lead a double life as a crime-leader, Jet decided it was time to leave. Leaving this planet would probably liven Faye up a bit. At this rate, she would slowly dissipate to nothing. 

He shook his head sadly and refueled the ship, making sure to get extra fuel tanks as well as refrigerators and cupboards filled.

They took off and headed for Venus. Faye didn't seem to react at all, still sitting at the table like a rock. Her skin had noticeably paled, and the bags under her eyes became deeper and darker with each passing day. Her hair was oily and unwashed, her clothes practically hanging off her lanky frame.

Jet shook his head and opened a can of soup, planning on making her eat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike, for the first time in a while, permitted himself to look at the little "Bebop radar" he had installed on that ship a few days after he had left it. All he had done was hide a tracking device in the garage under a heavy metal box filled with scraps that no one ever touched and kept the tracker with him until he could put it somewhere on the dashboard.

It indicated that they were on Venus.

__

Oh boy. I have a longer trip ahead than I thought.

He started up his ship and took off from Callisto and put it on autopilot to reach Venus. He then went back to a very small room he slept in and flopped down on the bed, his stomach churning with anxiety.

__

What if she won't talk to me? Or what if Jet won't let me see her? What if....if they don't want anything to do with me anymore? A month IS a long time...

He turned over with a groan. 

__

Screw them. I'm coming whether they like it or not.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Faye had gotten up three times the whole day; getting up from bed, going the the restroom, and now sitting in front of the T.V. rather than at the table. It really made no difference if it was on or not - she didn't care, didn't even blink.

__

Why? What did I do? What HAPPENED? All because of a dream? Part of it had to be me....right? But what did I do?

Looking around and seeing no one, she curled into a ball and cried until her eyes felt parched.

@]----'----,----

Sittin' here with my tears  
All alone with my fears  
I'm wonderin' if  
I have to do  
Withoutcha  
But there's no reason why i  
Fell asleep late last night  
Cryin' like a newborn child  
Holdin' myself close  
Pretendin' my arms are yours  
I want no one but you

@]----'----,----

__

The bastard doesn't even have the balls to call. She shivered and pulled a nearby space blanket over herself. 

Why am I so lonely?  


@]----'----,----

Chorus:

I get so lonely  
Can't let  
Just anybody hold me  
You are the one  
That lives in me my dear  
Want no one but you  
I get so lonely  
Can't let  
Just anybody hold me  
You are the one  
That lives in me my dear  
Want no one but you

I still remember to the day  
In fact it was a 3rd Monday  
You came along  
To be the one for me  
Now I'm alone  
Sittin here by the phone  
Call and say that you're ok  
So that I'll have  
The chance to beg you to stay  
I want no one but you....

@]----'----,----

She stiffened when she heard footsteps approaching. Jet walked slowly toward her, careful not to spill her soup, and opened up a little fold-up table for her, then set it down. His efforts made her aware of what she was doing to the others. 

"Jet.....I'm sorry...."

He shook his head. "It's okay. Don't worry about it."

He handed her a pocket-sized vidphone and said softly, "Why don't you give Jordan a call?"

Faye was left there, speechless, as she watched him walk out of the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike awoke from his sleep to see that he was about to pass the angry red planet he hadn't set foot on for so long. The place of his birth. The planet he wish he could forget.

His thoughts were interrupted by the crackle of his radio.

"Spike?" a timid voice ventured.

His eyes widened as he recognized it. *No....it can't be....*

"Spike? Spike. It's....Julia."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: What thinks the peoples? I've already planned out the next like, five or six chapters, but I intend to finish it at or before twenty chapters so I can get on with the sequel, which is the story I originally wrote. However, after reading it over, I thought there should be some kind of relationship before the start of that fic and wrote this one. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!


	12. Second Chances....In Different Direction...

Disclaimer: I do not own the two songs I used in this chapter, they belong to Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey. BTW, I suggest that my readers download some of the songs I use in order to get a better feel for the story, as well as actually hearing the characters' voices and seeing what's happening rather than just reading (I forget to do that sometimes....-.-)

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Faye frowned slightly, looking at the little device in her hand suspiciously.

__

If I call, that means....I've given up. It's been a month, but CAN I? Can I leave him behind?

She shook her head sadly, then stood up and went to her room, shutting the door behind her.

She sat on the bed, staring at her reflection in the mirror on the wall.

__

It would be good for me....

She sighed, then, with resolution, looked down into her shirt and dialed the number.

"Hello? Jordan?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He scrambled to over to the radio.

"....J-Julia....I'm here. It's me."

Silence.

"It's been a while."

"Yes, it has."

"A lot has happened."  
"I don't doubt it."

More silence. He was careful to breathe quietly so he wouldn't miss a word. Finally, she spoke.

"I...I know you're probably busy with something, but...I mean, I was just coming to Mars and I saw your ship....do you....maybe.....want to you know, get some coffee or something?"

"Coffee? Sure....that...that sounds good. Where?"

"Meet me at the graveyard."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He came within a few hours, all the way from Uranus. 

__

Thank God for portals, Faye thought with relief when she saw him.

Jordan stopped short when he saw her. She had been pale before, but now her skin was almost blindingly white. She'd lost weight....a lot of it, and looked as if she hadn't slept in days.

"Faye? What HAPPENED?"

He rushed forward to hug her gently, noting how she struggled to move.

"I....I haven't been feeling well. What's been up with you?" she smiled weakly, trying hard to dig deep into her reserve of feminine charms. Jordan would have none of it, though.

"Faye....you have to tell me." His blue eyes held so much emotion, so much worry, so much...care.

She had no idea how to react. 

__

We don't even know each other's favorite colors. And he....CARES? Highly unlikely...

As if reading her mind, he said softly, "It's called compassion."

"Oh, is that it?" she laughed. She met his eyes and stopped, dropping her act, and for once let someone see the true vulnerable side of her. Now, more than ever, she needed someone. Anyone.

"It's Spike."

Jordan frowned. _I knew it....what the hell did he do to her?_

He carefully led her back to her room and sat down with her on her bed.

"Faye, I'm sorry....but if he was stupid enough to hurt someone like you, he isn't worth it anyway."

She just sat there, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. Her turned her head to face him as he wiped them away. 

__

She's so beautiful, even now, when her heart is broken. Why are all the truly breath-taking treasures so unreachable? I can't believe....I was so lucky....many people never get to see one, but I have. Here she is, in front of me, a precious gem whose worth is unfathomable.....right here under my nose. But she'll never be mine.

He leaned his forehead against hers and rocked her back and forth gently, rubbing her back as she poured desperate tears from saline wells that had been drained long ago.

@]----'----,----

She was like nothing I'd ever known

Her eyes shined like diamonds in a field of snow

The man that destiny led her to meet

Made her feel that life was now complete

Now some days have passed, and nights gone by

You can see the glow slowly fading from her eyes

Though she denies her pain and her dismay

Know I said this to her anyway

Don't have to stay with someone that makes you cry 

You'll end up killing all the love you have inside

Can't hope to see the sun if you don't open your eyes

Girl, don't let real love pass you by....

@]----'----,----

"It's going to be alright....you'll be okay....I know it doesn't mean much to you, but....I care. I'll be there for you whenever you need me, okay? Just call me."

Faye cried even harder.

__

Great, now I have a second chance at finding love, but the first hurt so much....and it's so soon. It's there, though, who knows what will happen if I don't take this chance now? Maybe I'll never be in love again....

Jordan kissed her forehead and hugged her close. She was crying silently now, but he could almost feel her pain - she emitted it so powerfully to every corner of the room.

@]----'----,----

I know you're nervous but take it from me

'Cause you deserve so much more than you receive

Listen to your heart and let it show

Don't hold on to your pain, just let it go....

Let it go

Don't have to stay with someone that makes you cry 

You'll end up killing all the love you have inside

Can't hope to see the sun if you don't open your eyes

Girl, don't let real love pass you by

You can find a love you need

If you set your heart free

Don't stay with no one who's gonna make you cry

Don't be discouraged, baby

Don't let real love pass you by....

@]----'----,----

Faye looked up weakly, her eyes rimmed with red. "Thank you," she whispered, before kissing him gently, then falling asleep in his arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike waited patiently at the cemetery. It was a gloomy day, a little warm, very humid. Rainy. Foggy.

__

How ironic. The only difference is that this time, I don't have a rose.

Within ten minutes, her black car pulled up and she stepped out. He took a deep breath when he saw her.

__

Gorgeous, as usual.

Her suit had been tossed out for a leather one that was even tighter. Her hair had grown a little longer, and was a little more wavy. It billowed softly in the breeze. She put her sunglasses on top of her head and shot him a small smile.

"Let's go."

He hopped in without hesitating. When they got to the little coffee shop she had picked out, Spike coolly opened the door for her. After they had sat down and ordered, she finally initiated the conversation.

"You've changed."

He stopped in the middle of lighting a cigarette.

"It's the haircut, isn't it?"

"No, I mean YOU. You've changed."

"Three years is a long time, you know."

"I know. But it's in your eyes. The way you walk. Something's changed."

The man behind the counter slid them their lattes along with some complementary chocolate biscuits.

Spike took a sip of his drink. He weighed the consequences of what he was about to say, and decided it had to be said. He looked over at the woman he had loved for so long, and wondered how she managed to remain so untouchably gorgeous.

__

ANYWAY....

"Julia."

She looked at him with those dark blue eyes that bore into him so deeply. 

"I....for a while not too long ago, I started....I had found another woman."

Those sapphire pools widened and very slowly started to fill.

"I think I was starting to fall for her, but I....left before I could. I had had a dream about you one night and it had shaken me. I didn't know what to do - so I left."

He stirred his coffee with one of the biscuits, then ate the soggy brown mass in one gulp.

"I realized....that I still had feelings for you, as much as I didn't want to. But I have to say that....that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for promising all those things I promised that I wasn't able to deliver. It was....stupid of me. I assumed everything would work out, and of course, it didn't."

Julia composed herself as she stared at him. He had always been so wonderful to her, so protective - he didn't have to apologize for anything. She could feel any chance she had of getting him back strengthening now that he was here with her. She planned on taking anything she could get.

@]----'----,----

You look in my eyes, and I get emotional inside

I know it's crazy, but you still can touch my heart

And after all this time, you'd think that I wouldn't feel the same

But time melts into nothing, and nothing's changed

I still believe someday you and me

Will find ourselves in love again

I had a dream someday you and me

Will find ourselves in love again

Each day of my life, I'm filled with all the joy I can find

You know that I, I'm not the desperate type

If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp, I hold it with both hands

It's worth the risk of burning to have a second chance

@]----'----,----

"Spike....you know that I still love you. I'm sure you can feel it. We've always had that connection, haven't we? Maybe....we can make things right. I need it, and I know you need it too. We're soul mates, Spike. We can hear each other's thoughts, see each other's dreams -"

  
"We USED to."

".....we used to."

@]----'----,----

No 

No, no, no, no, no...

I need you baby

I still believe that we can be together

No, no

No....

@]----'----,----

A little boy stopped as his dog marked a bush and looked into the long glass window at a couple sitting together at a table, having coffee. 

The woman said something and put her hand on the man's shoulder as she stood up. He hesitated, then nodded his head and followed her out of the coffee shop. 

@]----'----,----

If we believe that true love

Never has to end

Then we must know that we will love again...

@]----'----,----

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Uh-oh. O.O;;; *gets ready to be attacked by the readers* AHHHH! I know, I'm driving some of you crazy, but trust me, it's for the better! ^_^ I am trying to write more frequently now, hopefully I can successfully finish this story without making most of you become uninterested. O.o That happens alot, you know. Anyway, please review, that's what keeps me going! ^_~ 


	13. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

"Jordan?"

"Hm?"

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Maybe an hour or two."

"I'm sorry..."

She yawned as she stretched, then sat quietly on the edge of the bed, thinking. 

__

I can't believe it. Am I actually....going to try again? After I had to work for so long to give into it the first time? What if he does the same thing? What if he just leaves me in the blink of an eye?

She looked over at him. His arm was over his eyes in a pitiful attempt to catch a break from watching over her. 

__

No. He wouldn't. He doesn't have HIS past chasing him down. HE's not....still in love with someone else. He's searching for something, just like me.

She leaned over the half-sleeping man and said softly, "I...I want to thank you....for your company, and for listening. I really needed it. I can't tell you how much better you've made me feel."

"It's nothing. Who wouldn't want to spend time with a beautiful woman?"

Faye laughed as Jordan smirked, peeking out from under his arm.

"You're good for a self-confidence boost, too."

She ran a hand threw her hair and stopped in mid-motion.

"Oh SHIT!"

Jordan flew up with a start. "What?! WHAT?!?!"

"My....my HAIR!!! What the - OH MY GOD! My....argh! I'll be right back, Jordan, I need to shower! BADLY!"

She dashed out of the room wildly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A dash of yellow flew by.

He turned, eyes searching frantically.

__

Was it...?

A purple streak.

He turned again, and sound harassed him from every direction - a deafening mass of volume pushed into his ears unmercilessly. He called out and felt the result of what had caused that sound - a flaming pain on his cheek. He looked up to see hurt green eyes stained with running mascara.

__

Faye....

Without a sound, she was gone. Just like that. Just faded away....

Glass. Broken crystalline shards of razor sharp, bone-shattering pain. Swarms of it flew at him, attacking every inch of his thin, lanky frame, digging into every pore, making him scream in agony.

And again, silence. Nothing. Everything went white, then black, alternating between total heat and light to darkness and intense cold. The gravity fluctuated incessantly, changing just as his body got used to it. He felt like he was being tossed about like a rag doll.

__

What in the world is going on?

And again, peace. He wasn't fooled. He breathed deeply in relief, but was braced for whatever was to come next. Looking down to check for any serious injuries, he was surprised to see....nothing. No blood, no bruises, no nothing.

"Spike."

She stood there, calm and cool, like nothing ever happened. Beautiful.

"Yeah?"

She smiled softly.

"You know....I never told you, but....I think you know by now....that I lo -"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Spike! Spike, are you okay?!" 

Julia was shaking him lightly, wiping the sweat off his brow. He groaned and rolled over.

"Spike, you were...having a nightmare."

__

Like HELL I was having a nightmare, he thought sarcastically.

She examined him for a while, then spoke.

"You said a name, too."

He stiffened. "Oh?"

"Yeah. You said....Faye."

He felt the bedsprings adjust under the lessening of her weight as she stood up to go dress herself. He watched her, wondering what to say. 

__

What the hell am I doing here? I thought I decided....that I didn't love you anymore....

"Is that her name, Spike?"

He looked up and locked eyes with her. He could see the love she still had for him dancing around inside her like an animal waiting to be released....she was waiting for him to fully love her again. But he couldn't do that. He had moved on, and now, after all this, he knew in his heart that it was true.

__

Is this becoming a habit? Just love them and leave them? he asked himself.

But it couldn't be. Not what he felt for Faye...that couldn't be just a fling sort of attraction. He knew she was what he wanted, what he needed now. The best sex in his life hadn't even changed that. It was a fact, set in stone. He knew he had to do it.

"Why do you want to know? What does it matter what her name is?"

"I just....I just want to know....who I'm losing you to."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Faye toweled off her hair, feeling much better than she had before. Now that she had someone, whether he was a friend or more, that she could count on 100%, any time she needed him, she felt a new sense of security. It was comforting, like a warm quilt that always kept you safe. Pleasant, something she wasn't used to.

She got into her robe and looked into the steamed mirror. Her puffy eyes had deflated a little and she looked more healthy than she had in weeks. Maybe it _was_ time to move on....

She grinned to herself and put on some lipstick, then went back to her room to see Jordan conked out on her bed. She giggled, then got as close to tucking him in as she could without waking him up.

She walked out into the living room, then to the kitchen, and opened up the cabinets.

Aged Rabbit Juice. Speckled Cabbage Pulp, Chicken Flavored. Sea Prune Chunks.

__

Dammit, Spike, did you have to leave your reminders where I would SURELY see them?

Sighing, she took a can of fish and a fork and plopped down in front of the T.V. She watched a few shows and relaxed, sighing as she felt some strength return to her frail body. After a an hour or so, Jordan joined her, casually linking his arm around her waist.

She didn't move it, nor get uncomfortable. Jordan noticed this and was glad that she trusted him. His body heat was comforting in itself to her, and she leaned her forehead into his neck as they watched a movie together.

Faye Valentine finally knew peace.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The ex-couple sat on opposite sides of the bed, neither knowing what to say. Somewhere in the pits of their hearts, they knew it was coming. It was like some lung-squeezing, chest-constraining death curse on their relationship.

"Is she pretty?"

"...Julia..."

She stood up and stormed over to him. It was the first time he had ever seen her angry, and he sat back in surprise as the tidal wave of confused emotions she had bottled up for so long was finally released.

"I loved you for SO long, after SO much, and...and now....look at us now, Spike, _LOOK AT US NOW._ What are we? What's left of us? And after all we did..."

Her voice got choked up and she let a few sobs escape.

"All I have ever wanted was....to be perfect for you. Not for me, not for....Vicious, just for you. I wanted to do everything for you, I would have given all I had just to spend my life with you. My _life_, Spike."

He stood and took her hands in his.

"I know. I would have given all that and a thousand nights of torture to have been able to stay with you, but I knew I had to escape. And I know now that....I need to escape again. It's just not the same, I know you feel it. But I _will_ say this - you were the first one to ever open my heart enough to make me fall in love. And first loves are always, ALWAYS special. You will always be with me..."

And with that, he kissed her hand and walked out. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

__

It's good to be back, old friend.

Spike sat in the well-worn pilot seat and started up his ship.

__

Where to now? What if she doesn't want me back? And am I gonna tell her about....Julia? What if she totally disowns me? I can act like I don't care....I'm good at that. But she's not going to throw me off my own ship. I was there before she was, and Jet will take my side. ..... Hopefully....

Ah, well. It's for the best....it's not like I have strong feelings for Julia anymore, so ....yeah....I know what I'm doing.

He flew off into space, flying smoothly towards Venus.

__

Ah, who am I kidding? It'll be weird if things don't turn out right. But hey, I'm irresistible, right? Yeah. Right.

He put the ship on auto pilot and went back to his cot, pulling out from under the mattress his favorite picture of Faye, which had gotten a little worn. On Mars he had bought a small frame used for holographs and had cropped the picture so it would fit. He wanted to preserve it because he knew that there was a possibility that it might be all he'll have left. 

He shuddered every time he thought about losing her - she was like a part of him now. Granted, he hadn't seen her for a month, but still, his feelings were there. As much as he had thought and maybe even hoped that his feelings for her were fleeting, they had only gotten stronger with their long separation.

__

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Julia lay curled up on the bed, feeling dejected.

__

I can't believe I just...I let it happen...my one true love....I let him go.

@]----'----,----

How can I just let you walk away

Just watch you leave without a trace

When I stand here taking every breath with you?

You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me

When all I can do is watch you leave?

'Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared the tears

You're the only one who really knew me at all...

@]----'----,----

Her golden locks became a dark blonde as her tears soaked them and the pillow.

__

I guess the best things in life are the things you can't keep.

@]----'----,----

So take a look at me now

There's just an empty space

There's nothing left here to remind me

Just the memory of your face

So take a look at me now

There's just an empty space 

And you coming back to me is against the odds 

And that's what I've got to face...

@]----'----,----

She wiped her tears away and resolved firmly that she'd never love him again. It would take time, but he had broken her heart repeatedly. If he didn't need her, she didn't want to need him - she had to retain her dignity and self-respect. No man could give that to her, no man could take it away.

But as she straightened the rumpled bedcovers and caught scent of his cologne, another tear dropped. It left a small, dark dot on the white linen sheets and made her long lashes glisten with dew.

__

I never loved anyone more than you, Spike. I hope....I hope you'll find happiness with her.

@]----'----,----

I wish I could just make you turn around 

Turn around and see me cry

There's so much I need to say to you

So many reasons why

You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now

There's just an empty space

There's nothing left here to remind me

Just the memory of your face

So take a look at me now

There's just an empty space 

But to wait for you is all I can do 

And that's what I've got to face...

@]----'----,----

With one last look around the room, the angelic figure dressed in black picked up her keycards and exited the hotel room quietly, leaving with one less love than she had come with.

@]----'----,----

Take a good look at me now

'Cause I'll still be standing here

And you coming back to me

Is against all odds

That's a chance I got to take

Take a look at me now...

@]----'----,----

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hello?" Jet answered the radio.

"Jet, it's me."

The captain of the Bebop blinked in disbelief.

__

Spike? Is that...really you? You didn't kill yourself?

A thousand questions flew threw his head.

"What the hell do you want? You were never anything but trouble..."

"I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm coming back."

"You're what? But I have to -"

"If you won't let me stay, I at least have to talk to Faye."

"WHAT? But she's -"

"Thanks Jet! I'll be there in five minutes."

*Click.*

Jet Black put down the receiver slowly, already getting a headache from the thought of what chaos was going to ensue once Spike walked in on Faye with Jordan.

__

Ah hell. Ain't none of my business, anyhow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike carefully landed his ship quietly onto the runway of the Bebop, then, once he was safely on the platform, drove it into the garage and parked.

He didn't want anyone to know he was there already, besides Jet. Surprising Faye would be interesting.

Tossing the key onto a hook on a wall, he strolled in silently and made his way to the living room. He thought he could hear the sound of Faye's voice already, not loud and screeching, but low and soft, quite pleasant, actually.

He stopped as soon as he could see half her body.

Even in the glow from the television he could see how much paler she had gotten. Her clothes sagged on her, and she had bags under her eyes. Little did he know that this wasn't half as bad as she had been since he left.

__

My God. Please don't tell me....that I caused this. I made her like this? I couldn't have! Did she care THAT much? And I just left her behind, just like that? Just like....I did to Julia? Am I this much of a monster? ..... I can't believe I've been so foolish. To Faye, to Julia, to everyone. Maybe I don't care about anybody. How could I if I can just leave like that?

No. I'm going to make it right. All I have to do is just walk in and -

His feet and his heart stopped. It was....there was....her. With Jordan. And she looked....happy, contented. Without him. With Jordan.

__

WITHOUT him.

His knees almost gave in and he ducked back behind the corner, leaning into the wall for support.

__

Oh God....what do I do now?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but I had to pack my bags *breaks out into "Leaving on a Jet Plane"* ^_^ For Christmas vacation. I'm skipping Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday because I'm flying back to Texas, where I'm originally from, to spend the holidays with my mom. ^_- What did you guys think of the chapter? Too fast? Too slow? Too cheesy? Too OOC? Suggestions and comments are always welcome, *PLEASE* review!!!


	14. Heartbroken

Apology to the readers: Sorry it took so long! -.- I would have had this chapter posted last night, but the computer over at where I'm staying for Christmas will not allow me to save in a mode that will display italicised letters. . SO, I have put thoughts into these: {} and other italicised words in these: ** Sorry about this, but I will correct this once I get back!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own "If Only" by Hanson. That belongs to them. Bleh.  
  
Early A/N: WHOO! The first chapter to be name with one word since the first! This is an occassion to celebrate! *throws hands up and blows confetti around at everyone*  
  
*gets weird looks*  
  
What?? o.o;;;  
  
*runs away before can be thrown*  
  
.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Faye sat self-consciously against Jordan, oddly comfortable, but feeling somewhat....out of place. Well, it wasn't her....it was....Jordan. He felt....weird.  
  
{I guess it's just because he isn't Spike. Not that I care...I mean, he just threw me aside like some rag doll he could play with whenever he wanted. I'm a strong, independent woman, I handled it. Sort of. But that doesn't matter anyway, he's never coming back. I guess the only thing left to do now is go for second best.}  
  
She sighed and closed her eyes, unable to resist the temptation to imagine, if even for a moment, that Jordan was Spike. She could *almost* feel his fluffy green hair, *almost* smell his cologne, *almost* taste his lips...  
  
Until she heard it. It wasn't loud at all, as a matter of fact, it was barely audible. The sound of a boot on metal.  
  
She struggled to her feet and cautiously made her way toward where it came from.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike suddenly became alarmed when he heard someone padding over to where he had just placed his first weak step. He tried to hurry away but realized after a few seconds of dashing towards his room that he was making a lot of noise. He didn't care. He had to get out of there.  
  
When he got to his room, he quickly flipped on the light switch, closed the door behind him, and locked it.  
  
{Damn. And I was really stupid enough to think she'd come back to me so easily.}  
  
He dragged himself over to his bed and sprawled out on it.  
  
{Uncomfortable son of a bitch.}  
  
Something sharply pressed into his hip. He reached into his pocket and drew out his gun. Something else slipped out and he grumbled as he reached down to the floor to pick it up.  
  
It was the picture of Faye.  
  
{Damn. Still haven't gotten a frame for this thing....probably the only evidence I have of anything good between us. Probably....the last time I'll see that look on her face.}  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by a rap on his door.  
  
"Spike? Is that...you?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As she approached, she heard footsteps coming more rapidly - but moving farther away. She silently followed, curious, until she found where they led to.  
  
{No. It can't be. He....left, right? Right. He left - permanantly. It CAN'T be.}  
  
She listened at the door. Nothing. But the light was on....  
  
She knocked after a few more tense moments.  
  
"Spike? Is that...you?"  
  
She waited for what seemed like forever. Complete silence. She could almost hear her lonliness mocking her, cackling at her foolish hope that the person behind that door could be the only man she'd ever loved - the same man who had left her in the dust conveniently just after she had decided for herself that he wasn't going to hurt her like the others.  
  
She swallowed hard and blinked away a tear as she turned slowly and walked the other way.  
  
She had just reached the end of the hall when yellow light spilled across the floor.  
  
Her heart leaped into her throat.  
  
"....Faye."  
  
The voice was a little husky, somewhat timid, a little out of character. But she knew who it was. The lanky shadow that was topped with a rug of unruly gray further assured her of his identity.  
  
She willed her body to turn her around, but she was frozen in place.  
  
{I don't want to. What if...why should I...when he left....without a word...}  
  
She ran...the other way.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He woke up to her shivering body pressed close against his.  
  
"Faye? Faye, are you alright?"  
  
Jordan's blue eyes were clouded over with concern.  
  
"I-I-I'm fine! What m-makes you think something's wrong?"  
  
"Well, you're as cold as ice, Faye. Not to mention you're shaking all over. Did...something happen? I thought you were getting better."  
  
"I....thought I was too. Don't worry about me, thought. I f-f-feel just fine....really."  
  
She attempted a smile but it wasn't very convincing.  
  
"Faye...I care about you. I want you to be in good health....and I want you to be happy. You're all tense...."  
  
He almost timidly placed his hands on her shoulders and gently massaged them.  
  
Faye momentarily stopped shaking and tried to relax.  
  
{No big deal....he doesn't know who it is....and I don't think Spike will -}  
  
But she knew what conflict was coming, and understood that one of these two men would be leaving brokenhearted.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike gathered his strength wearily before he closed the door, lingering at his doorway after he had seen the woman he cared for so much run away from him.  
  
{She couldn't even look at me. I hurt her so much she couldn't even look at my face, couldn't look into the eyes of the man who managed to open her heart, then break it.  
  
If only I had thought about her before I just flew off. But I always have to do that, don't I? I always have to screw things up just when they're about to get really good. I guess that's just the way I am. I wonder if that's my destiny, my fate - to never be happy. How can I be when the things I want are chased away just when they're in my reach? And when I'm the chaser?}  
  
He let his thoughts wander and plopped back down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.  
  
{Maybe I should go out there.}  
  
All he could remember was the last time he saw her face - the day after the camera escapades, when she had followed him outside on his way to pick up the pictures the old man had promised to develop. She had been so worried, so confused - and if he had looked harder, he would have seen that her heart had been breaking, too.  
  
{I did it. I'm that bad of a person. I hurt someone who cared about me, someone like HER, who rarely opens herself up to ANYONE. I can't believe it. But it's the truth. And there's no changing the truth. I learned that with Julia, too.  
  
But no matter how hard I fight it, I can't stop thinking about Faye. It's not that she's all that smart, or talented at any one thing, or good in bed - }  
  
He chuckled to himself.  
  
{Not that I would know....yet. It's just that...well, for some inexplicable reason, I'm drawn to her. It's completely involuntary, too, unwillful, even. I don't want to be in love again. I don't want to lose every thing I care about again. I don't want the unbearable pain again. I don't want anything to do with it.  
  
Too bad I can't escape from it.}  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
Every single time I see you  
  
I start to feel this way  
  
It makes me wonder if I'm ever  
  
Gonna feel this way again  
  
There's a picture  
  
That's hanging in the back of my head  
  
I see it over and over  
  
  
  
I'm gonna hold you and love you  
  
In my arms and then  
  
I wanna need you  
  
'Cause I need to  
  
Be with you 'til the end  
  
Then I hear myself reply,  
  
"You've got to hold it in."  
  
This time, tonight.  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
  
  
{She doesn't even know what she does to me. ME, the cool, composed Spike Spiegel. She probably thinks I'm a selfish jerk who never in his life gave a crap about anybody else.  
  
But she couldn't be more far off.  
  
I think....I think I might have fallen for her. I told Julia I had left before I had the chance to, but I think....I think I had already fallen in love with Faye Valentine.  
  
Maybe they make some miracle potion I can drink or something to reverse this.}  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
{What a selfish jerk! I bet he never gave a crap about anyone in his life.  
  
He thinks he can just come back here and....I don't know what goes through his screwed-up mind. Maybe he just wants to make me feel like a complete fool. Or maybe he wants to try to sucker me again. Or maybe....he wants me back.  
  
No chance. He's Spike Spiegel, the most arrogant, senseless, stupid, annoying, frustrating, idiotic, funny, hansome, wonderful....HEY! Where'd that come from?!?  
  
Well it's too bad. My heart has been shut off forever. I don't exactly like the feeling of having my heart ripped out - once was enough for me. I feel bad about Jordan - I know I'll never love him, but I can be happy with him. I just don't know if he'll be happy with me if he knows I'm not in love with him.}  
  
She looked up at the blonde man and ran a hand through his soft, silky hair.  
  
"Jordan?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You know....I really do care about you. But I....I can never....I mean, after Spike, I can't -"  
  
He looked at her with such disappointment and sorrow in his eyes that she regretted opening her mouth. Broken hearts aren't easily healed, as she had learned not too long ago. And his sapphire eyes were so vivid, so enchanting, so blatantly honest, so breath-takingly beautiful....too bad she could never look into them the same way she had looked into Spike's.  
  
{I'll never give in again. As tempting as it is to love him again, I don't think I could EVER take that risk knowing what I do now...  
  
That the deepest hurt springs from love unsatisfied.}  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
If only I had the guts to feel this way  
  
If only you'd look at me and want to stay  
  
If only I'd take you in my arms and say,  
  
"I won't go 'cause I need you."  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike now had the picture of Faye propped up against one of his bedposts. He stared at it in a daze, trying to remember what it was like to hold her, to kiss her, to make her laugh.  
  
{Everything would have been perfect by now. And maybe even forever, but....now it's all messed up.  
  
Damn reality.}  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
I sit here, waiting, wondering, hoping  
  
That I'll make this right  
  
'Cause all I think about  
  
Is your hands, your face, and all these lonely nights  
  
There's a feeling  
  
That's screaming in the back of my head  
  
Saying over and over,  
  
  
  
"I wanna hold you and love you  
  
In my arms and then  
  
I wanna need you  
  
'Cause I need to be with you 'til the end."  
  
But then I hear myself reply,  
  
"She'll never let you in."  
  
This time, tonight  
  
  
  
If only I had the guts to feel this way  
  
If only you'd look at me and want to stay  
  
If only I'd take you in my arms and say,  
  
"I won't go 'cause I need you.  
  
Please don't go  
  
'Cause I need you now."  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
  
  
He rolled over and rubbed his sore eyes. Slowly, mercilessly, sleep began to take over.  
  
{No....can't fall....asleep....must stay...awake....}  
  
His door opened, and he sat up, stunned.  
  
"Spike?" Faye ventured sheepishly.  
  
"Can I - can I talk to you?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Sorry, not very eventful, but I wanted to focus on how the characters were feeling. I HAVE A QUESTION! Did *ANYONE* feel even a *LITTLE* sorry for Julia or Jordan? Hm? Do any of you have a little compassion in those tiny little hearts in which are etched "Spike and Faye FOREVER!"? Hmm? I'd just like to know. ^_- Please review!!! ^_^ 


	15. Uncertainties

Disclaimer: "If You're Gone" belongs to Matchbox 20 and the part that I triple starred (***) is from "Ocean's Eleven," which I recently saw. ^_^ Hackneyed, but fitting, nonetheless. BTW, thanks to ALL of my readers, your reviews are not only interesting and inspiring, but they serve as a serious motivation for me to get my butt in gear and not let this fic die. ^_- Enjoy!  
  
  
  
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He got up and opened the door, taking a sharp intake of breath at the sight of her pale skin and weak frame.  
  
"Nothing I can do to stop you."  
  
He dragged his feet over to his bed and sat down. He felt like he had a hangover.  
  
Faye sat down cross-legged on his floor and twisted her hands awkwardly.  
  
"Well?"  
  
She looked up at him, willing herself to remain cold and cruel. It'd be the best for both of them, anyway.  
  
"Spike....what are you doing here?"  
  
He scoffed bitterly and rolled his eyes.  
  
"What do you *think* I'm doing here?"  
  
"The possibilities are endless. To screw me over again, to humiliate me, to -"  
  
"You're so full of it!" Spike stood up and pointed a finger at her angrily.  
  
"Here you are, feeling SORRY for yourself, telling ME that I'M here to make you miserable! I guess you've got it all figured out, huh? I'm just *that* simple. Well, I'm sorry, but the man you've got in front of you is a thousand times harder to solve than a Rubix cube."  
  
"What the *HELL* are you talking about? Of *COURSE* you're here to make me miserable! Have you forgotten already?! YOU left over a month ago! You just LEFT - no GOOD-BYE, no NOTE, no NOTHING! What in the *world* am I SUPPOSED to think?!?"  
  
Uncomfortable silence followed, both of them steaming. Spike just shook his head and took out a cigarette. After lighting up, he said quietly, "You know, you assume way too much. Ever heard the expression, 'Things aren't always as they seem?' Well, the truth is that things are *rarely* as they seem."  
  
He started to walk out of the room, bumping into her roughly as he passed her.  
  
He hesitated with his hand on the door knob.  
  
"Maybe you should look harder before you judge."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jordan sat on the couch, cold, now that Faye had gone somewhere. He looked down at the metal floor, watching the reflections of the T.V. screen change its tiles different colors. A terrible ache had already settled into his bones, he could feel it resonating in his marrow.  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
I think I've already lost you  
  
I think you're already gone  
  
I think I'm finally scared now  
  
You think I'm weak  
  
But I think you're wrong...  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
{Why did I let myself fall for her? I knew....I knew I'd never find it. That's what happened with the ones before her....so why should it be any different? The next one will be the same, too. And the next, and the next. Just like some vicious blood-sucking cycle that will eventually bring my demise.  
  
I guess it's a small price to pay.  
  
I wonder why it's like this. I can't help it. It's just that it's happened so many times, and yet, every time I'm hopeful - that's why it always hurts so much.  
  
But with Faye, I thought it would be different. She's so unique - not the regular baloney-on-white-go-to-church-every-Sunday type. It's definitely not the longest relationship I've had....but the hurt is new. It's a fresh open wound that for some reason hurts more than ones before.  
  
Ones that were deeper.}  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Faye stood there, stunned, but still fuming as Spike paused, letting his room's light illluminate half his face. His stance was tense, something she'd seen rarely, and his tone of voice was a new level of melancholy. She looked at those long, thin fingers resting so coldly on his door knob and willed them with her mind to stay there.  
  
{Don't go. Please....even though I know we can't be together, I....I still love you.}  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
I think you're already leaving  
  
Feels like you're hand is on the door  
  
I thought this place was an empire  
  
Now I'm relaxed  
  
I can't be sure  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
{He knows....doesn't he? This is the way it has to be. It took *so* long for me to....to be vulnerable the first time, but I did it. I wasn't just *vulnerable*, I was Goddamn weak. I just wanted his love. Not for the sake of having someone care about me, but because it came from him. Because it came from Spike.  
  
The little worm wriggled his way into my veins pretty quickly.  
  
But now he's leaving. I guess I can't blame him. I know I'll be fine, I can get over him, I *CAN* stop loving him. It's too bad that it didn't work out though. But it's better this way. Jordan...can take care of me and love me steadily. He won't hurt me like Spike did.  
  
I know I'll never give him the chance.}  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
{A big confrontation was inevitable. I just decided to get it over with. I mean, she doesn't want me, that's fine. But did she *have* to go for Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes-boy-next-door-watch-out-for-my-poodle? I mean, the guy's obviously less than equipped to handle a woman like Faye.  
  
She's got the worst temper I've ever seen, she's annoying as hell, can't keep her nose out of other peoples' business, she eats a lot, she's a glutton with everything, she's greedy, self-centered, egotistical -  
  
There's no way he could ever escape with his sanity.  
  
It's not like I actually *CARE* about Faye or anything. I mean....I know I *said* I did, but I must've been high or something. How could I love her? I mean, come on. I've hated her for so long that it must've just been some horrible mistake...there's no way....  
  
But Mao used to say that the difference between love and hate was the width of a sheet of rice paper.  
  
I wouldn't know. I never let anyone get that close, or that far. I've never felt passion in either direction. I've always let on to be aloof, to be cool, to be....uncaring. Because - well, because....that's who I am. I'm not good with good-byes.  
  
It's probably a good thing all the people I care about end up dying.}  
  
Spike made his way to the bridge and looked out at the stars.  
  
{I remember that first night when she found me. I think that's when this whole pile of bullshit started. Why can't she just let me in? Doesn't she trust me?  
  
.....  
  
Well, she obviously doesn't love me, and I guess she wants nothing to do with me anymore...  
  
I wish I could just let go. It shouldn't be this hard.}  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
I think you're so mean  
  
I think we should try  
  
I think I could need  
  
This in my life  
  
And I think I'm scared  
  
I think too much  
  
I know it's wrong  
  
It's a problem I'm dealing  
  
If you're gone...maybe it's time to come home  
  
There's an awful lot of breathing room  
  
But I can hardly move  
  
If you're gone...baby you need to come home  
  
There's a little bit of something me  
  
In everything in you....  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
{Why do I do this to myself? I don't understand...maybe I *do* love her. I've never felt a pain like this....it's kind of interesting. It's pulling all my muscles and skin towards the center of my being. It's trying to make me collapse into a pile of nothing. I wonder why....  
  
Maybe this is it. Maybe I *am* meant to be with her. Maybe that's why it hurts like this. But wait...I don't believe in destiny.  
  
There goes another theory out the window.  
  
I wonder what I'll do now. She doesn't want me, but I can't leave....but I won't be able to stand seeing her with...him. Maybe I should just snap one day, you know, scare him out of his skin. Maybe then he'll leave, and I'll be all she has.  
  
It's better than the alternative....  
  
God, I hate being weak.}  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
I bet you're hard to get over  
  
I bet the room just won't shine  
  
I bet my hands I can stay here  
  
I bet you need - more than you mind  
  
I think you're so mean  
  
I think we should try  
  
I think I could need  
  
This in my life  
  
I think I'm just scared -  
  
Do I talk too much?  
  
I know it's wrong  
  
It's a problem I'm dealing...  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
{Well, if I've already lost my chances, there's no harm in getting my money's worth, so to speak.}  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Faye stomped out of Spike's room and hunted him down, finally spotting him on the bridge.  
  
"Spike, I'm not done with you yet," she spitted venemously. She shot him a glare that would've stopped many men within seconds, but Spike merely grinned at her.  
  
{He likes doing this to me.}  
  
"Maybe...I did assume. Maybe I pushed it a little. But why did you go? Will you just tell me that? And why did you come back?"  
  
".....I went....because...."  
  
{Last chance.}  
  
".....because I was afraid."  
  
"....Of?"  
  
"Of....you know....again." He gestured by rolling his open palm towards his body, hinting for her to guess.  
  
"Spike, for God's sake, just TELL me!"  
  
Something inside him snapped.  
  
{How can she not know? Is she trying to wrench this out of me like torture? How can the woman *NOT* fucking KNOW by now that I...}  
  
"Alright, you know what?!" He raised his voice to a threatening level. "I....I opened up to you, just like you opened up to me. And I - couldn't take the same risks you took. I just *couldn't.* I was afraid of another 'Julia' scenario, as crazy as it seems. You're not in the Red Dragons, and that's behind me, but something inside just went crazy every time I thought of you that way. It was giving me a feeling that maybe....that *probably,* things wouldn't work out. And maybe you'd get hurt. I don't know!"  
  
He flung his hands up in the air frustratingly.  
  
"It sounds really stupid, I know. But I couldn't shake it away. I couldn't get rid of the fear that I'd get another piece of my soul ripped away. And why I came back? Isn't it obvious?! If you need me to tell you *that,* you have something seriously wrong with you. If you couldn't see it in my eyes, couldn't hear it in my voice, couldn't feel it in the air I breathed....well, here it is."  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
I think I could need  
  
This in my life  
  
I think I'm just scared  
  
That I know too much  
  
I can't relate  
  
And that's a problem I'm feeling  
  
If you're gone...maybe it's time to come home  
  
There's an awful lot of breathing room  
  
But I can hardly move  
  
If you're gone...baby you need to come home  
  
There's a little bit of something me  
  
In everything in you....  
  
Something me (everything in)  
  
Something me (in)  
  
In you.....  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
Faye's heart leapt into her throat.  
  
{I can't be hearing this. Not now...not now!! I had *everything* so perfect!! Why does he *ALWAYS* mess things up?!?}  
  
"I....really care....I mean, I l-l-lii....I think you know. But here, I have to say it. I think...."  
  
He got closer to her, and with each step she took one away from him until they were up against a wall.  
  
He leaned in, smelled her perfume, and smiled, in a daze.  
  
{Hey, it's all a dream, right?}  
  
"I think I love you."  
  
Her eyes widened, although it had been somewhat suspected. It hadn't been easily believed.  
  
"What are you going to do about it? Nothing, that's what. Your little lover boy is sitting in the next room, wondering where you went, but here you are, with me, all alone. And I just told you I love you. You know what? I don't think I even care anymore whether you love me or not, I just needed you to know that. I just...needed you..."  
  
His face got closer, his breath warmer. Finally, after a few awkward moments, he pressed his lips onto hers.  
  
"...and maybe that'll give you an ego boost, knowing I feel that strongly. I don't care, go do whatever the hell you wanna do with it. I don't give a damn. I don't need your love at all. I never have needed it....it only brought be trouble, and nearly got me killed. Sorry if you don't think I'm *good* enough for you, or if you don't understand me. Maybe you never will. You won't even give it a chance."  
  
She grabbed his arm as he started to turn away.  
  
"Yeah? Well, I love you too, but I love Jordan more," she lied. "He's wonderful, he'd never even think of leaving me in the dust. You ran away! What the hell was that? That doesn't solve any problems, it only brings more."  
  
"Oh? Unless it's creditors you're running from, right?"  
  
Faye slapped him across his left cheek.  
  
"Just because I'm with someone else now doesn't mean you have to treat me like shit. Dammit, just DROP it Spike! I don't...I can't....WE can't be together, okay?!?!"  
  
"Why not?" he looked her square in the eyes, arresting them.  
  
"Because! Because...we're too much alike. We're both proud, arrogant, private, we both push people away, we both could scatter away at any moment."  
  
Her posture started to slack and her eyes darkened.  
  
"It would never work anyway. I'm too much of a coward now that I know how it feels to....and that was just the tip of the iceburg!"  
  
Spike wiped a tear away from her eye with his thumb, then lifted her chin so she would look at him.  
  
***"Does he make you laugh?"  
  
"He doesn't make me cry."***  
  
".....I see."  
  
His eyes went dead. She could see it now. Like lights fading out, batteries exhausted. They just lost their light.  
  
"I'm sorry Spike, but it's for the best."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Again, not too eventful, but it's necessary! Was it OOC? Please review to tell me! Suggestions and creative criticism are appreciated. ^_^ In the next chapter, a character will leave permanently (for this fic, anyway). Can you guess who it is? *rolls eyes* But that doesn't mean all will be well. Torment will be a wonderful tool in chapter 16. I know, I'm evil. X_X Ah well. Also, Spike will reveal what he did with Julia. *gets ready for Faye's wrath* I hope everyone had a great Christmas/Channuka/Kwanzaa, and get ready for 2002! Woo! And has everyone seen the enormous jump in CB fics? ^________^ When I got on FF.Net there were only 163, and now we're up to 230! YAY! *does happy dance* 


	16. In the End

Disclaimer: I do not own "In the End" by Linkin Park. I don't own CB. No sue.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
{So. You finally told her. You finally got the guts. And where has it gotten you? Nowhere. She's still with that...}  
  
Spike grunted in disgust and put out his cigarette, then got up from his bed and looked out of the tiny window in his bedroom at the couple outside.  
  
Jordan was sitting on a patch of slightly blue grass and Faye was seated in his lap. Their hands were entwined and both looked content as they watched the sunset.  
  
Bloodshot amber eyes watched as the blonde man made some lame attempt at humor and the woman he loved forced a giggle. But when Jordan turned away, he saw Faye's face darken. Any shreds of hope that Spike had retained burst into life again, but he dared not speak to her anyway.  
  
Four days had passed since they had last taked to each other. Everything was pretty much normal on the Bebop other than the addition of their new crewmember. However, the tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Mealtimes were especially uncomfortable - if they ate at the table, Jordan would take Spike's old seat and Spike would instead pull up a chair next to Jet.  
  
The older man with the robotic arm hadn't been too stressed recently - neither Faye not Spike had ventured out in their zipcrafts lately, so he didn't need to repair them. Things seemed to be running smoothly with material things, and he was now focusing on his bonsai trees.  
  
But the absence of stress also allowed him the clarity of mind to see Spike's condition. He barely ate anything, he spent most of his time in his room out of fear of seeing Faye and Jordan together, and he barely spoke to anyone.  
  
One day, after lunch, Jet took the oppurtunity to cautiously ask him if anything was wrong. Faye and Jordan had gone out together as soon as they ate and weren't getting back until late evening.  
  
"Hey Spike...are you okay? You've been looking down lately."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
Jet gave Spike an un-believing glance and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay...let me rephrase that....I'm not going to die. That'd be more accurate."  
  
He took out the fifth cigarette he had chain-smoked in the last half hour and lit it.  
  
"Why do you care?"  
  
"Look, Spike, this isn't healthy. You need to recover, you need to eat something! You didn't even eat a whole spoonful of food today. I take it you haven't been sleeping much, either."  
  
Spike merely leaned back carelessly and took a long drag.  
  
"You know," Jet started in a hushed voice, "it isn't the end of the world. After we catch the next bounty head, how about we go out, just you and me? To the bars, like we used to before we got Ed and Ein and Faye. Maybe you'll meet some -"  
  
"No thanks." Spike said, coldly. He got up and started to walk away.  
  
{Just a shadow of a man. That's all he is now.}  
  
"Oh, come on. All I'm trying to do is help you."  
  
Spike turned around slowly.  
  
"Maybe...I don't want to be helped."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The fake smiles and empty laughter started to get aggravating. He gritted his teeth to keep control, but he could feel it slipping from his grasp. He was saying things to push her, things about their future and his family's expectations. Something. Anything to get her to be honest with him.  
  
After seeing the movie, he realized that she would never tell him the truth unless he confronted her directly. He watched her as she looked into store windows and saw it in her eyes for a brief moment. It was worse than not loving him, it was worse than rejection. It was disappointment, it was a longing for somebody else.  
  
She was wishing he was Spike.  
  
He grabbed her shoulders and looked her square in the eyes.  
  
"Jordan! What are you -"  
  
"Faye. Listen to me. I know...I know. You...still love him, and I have accepted that from the beginning. I could feel it all along, but I had myself convinced that having you would be enough. It's not."  
  
She was quivering now, shaking her head from side to side and watching her tears fall to the sidewalk. She was in a state of disbelief, almost shock.  
  
"Faye...please, look at me."  
  
He lifted her head with a finger under her chin and softly kissed her cheek.  
  
"I love you....remember that. I want you to be happy, and believe it or not, it's not gratifying to me to know that you are yearning that I'm him."  
  
{What have I done? He probably feels used. But...I don't *think* I used him...it doesn't feel that way to me, but I guess I did. I just wanted to be wanted, even if I couldn't return it.}  
  
Her lower face now streaked with tears, Faye struggled to breathe and parted her lips.  
  
"I'm...so sorry."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike slept fitfully for two hours, then gave up and walked slowly to the kitchen.  
  
{I can't believe I can't even sleep.}  
  
He made a cup of coffee and wandered back to his room, trying to remember the last conversation he had held with Faye. Now that he knew for sure that he had no chance, he was reaching out for any last memory of good times with her.  
  
{Plan A - sulk in my misery for a while. It's good for me, it cleanses the mind and body. Plan B - get over her by getting angry. Again, good for me...I don't get either of those emotions very often. Might as well use them to my advantage.}  
  
Finishing his coffee, he set the mug down on his desk, changed into his training pants and a plain white t-shirt, and headed over to where he usually practiced his martial arts. Concentrating harder than he ever had before, he channeled his emotions into energy and rage. Going through the motions, he became almost hypnotized with anger, and delivered each blow swiftly and powerfully.  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
It starts with one  
  
One thing, I don't know why  
  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
  
Keep that in mind....  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
The glow from the small, weak light bulb provided him with the perfect lighting. Steaming drops of sweat cascaded down his wiry, muscular body and ran into his eyes. He didn't care. He didn't feel a thing. Electricity surged through his veins and he was determined to use it.  
  
He struggled to make himself a burning flame, a raging storm.  
  
{She never loved me. She used me. She seduced me, then left. She never understood. Never even made an *effort* to listen to me. She'll never be mine.}  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
All I know  
  
Time is a valuable thing  
  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
  
The clock ticks life away  
  
It's so unreal  
  
Didn't look out below  
  
Watch the time go right out the window  
  
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know  
  
I wasted it all  
  
Just to watch you go...  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
It was burning too hot, whirling inside him too fast. He wanted to slow down, but his body kept going. In fear of what might happen, he climbed out of a low window and ran up a hill, continuing his training against the early sunset. His muscles screamed in exhaustion. Every nerve twisted in agony, but still, he persisted. Every pore of his body secreted sweat, and before long, it felt like he was crying blood.  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
I kept everything inside  
  
And even though I tried  
  
It all fell apart  
  
What it meant to me will eventually be a  
  
memory of a time when  
  
I tried so hard and got so far  
  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter  
  
I had to fall to lose it all  
  
But in the end it doesn't even matter...  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
Within 45 minutes, it was over with. Done. It took over his body, it enslaved his mind, and worked him to unconsciousness. The last thing he saw was the burning sunset over the horizon.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
{There's nothing holding me back now. I don't have any pride left, no will, no tolerance for being lonely anymore. I can finally...}  
  
She wandered her way through the dark halls of the Bebop, hoping with all her might that he would forgive and believe her. Her breath got shallower as she approached Spike's room. Closing her eyes tightly, she turned the knob.  
  
No one. Nothing out of place. She walked over to his bed and examined the sweat-soaked, rumpled sheets. He was gone. Not a sign of him, other than a tray full of cigarette butts and an empty coffee mug on his desk. Her brow furrowing in confusion, she explored every room of the Bebop, only finding her crew mates up to their usual tasks.  
  
She sighed and wandered around the ship aimlessly until, by chance, she glanced out the window and saw his silouette framed against a firey red sky. He was beautiful, fueled by anger, almost to the point of madness. She watched his strong muscles flex as he punched and kicked the air with frightening force.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~flashback~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
".....I went....because....because I was afraid. Of....you know....again."  
  
She saw his tormented face, his pained eyes, again and again.  
  
"Alright, you know what?! I....I opened up to you, just like you opened up to me. And I - couldn't take the same risks you took. I just *couldn't.* I was afraid of another 'Julia' scenario, as crazy as it seems. You're not in the Red Dragons, and that's behind me, but something inside just went crazy every time I thought of you that way. It was giving me a feeling that maybe....that *probably,* things wouldn't work out. And maybe you'd get hurt. I don't know!"  
  
She closed her eyes. {No...not again...not again! I *know* what I did! I know...}  
  
"It sounds really stupid, I know. But I couldn't shake it away. I couldn't get rid of the fear that I'd get another piece of my soul ripped away. And why I came back? Isn't it obvious?! If you need me to tell you *that,* you have something seriously wrong with you. If you couldn't see it in my eyes, couldn't hear it in my voice, couldn't feel it in the air I breathed....well, here it is."  
  
{Oh God, no. Oh my God...}  
  
"I....really care....I mean, I l-l-lii....I think you know. But here, I have to say it. I think...."  
  
{...No!! No, please!!!}  
  
She shut her eyes tightly, trying to come back to reality.  
  
"I think I love you."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~end flashback~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It went black, and she could hear herself screaming. Her vision returned just in time to see Spike fall.  
  
Her eyes widened and she placed her hand on the window.  
  
"Spike!!! No!"  
  
She ran outside, wiping away her tears maddeningly, trying to see where she was going in what was left of the sunlight.  
  
{You're so *stupid,* Spike. I hate this. Why do you do this to me?!? Why do you do this to yourself? You've always tried to annoy me on purpose...I can't believe that something GOOD actually happened between us.}  
  
  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
Remembering all the times you fought with me  
  
I'm surprised it got so far  
  
Things aren't the way they were before  
  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
  
Not that you knew me back then  
  
But it all comes back to me in the end  
  
I put my trust in you  
  
Pushed as far as I can go  
  
For all this  
  
There's only one thing you should know....  
  
@]---,---'---,---  
  
  
  
As she neared his figure, she slowed, her tears renewing themselves.  
  
{I lied to you. I lied....too many times. I should have been honest from the start, I should have forgiven you when you came back. I should've listened to my instincts rather than try to save face. I told you I loved him more. Out of all the lies I've ever told, I think that's the one that was the hardest to speak. And I know why now. I know why.}  
  
She kneeled down next to him and cupped his cheek in her hand.  
  
"Now I know I love you."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Thanks for all the compliments and constructive criticism, they're all taken very heavily. I hope you people are enjoying the story still, I know it's gotten a little less exciting and more angsty. o.O I never meant it to, but oh well. I think the next chapter or the chapter after that will be the last one of this story, and then I will start the sequel. ^_^ As much as I hate to say it, with more fics of one genre, the quality tends to go down a little since a lot of people write to gratify their own little fantasies (which I do too, but sometimes people tend to rush it because they want to get to the end). The thing that drives ME insane, though, is when people don't bother to correct syntax/spelling/etc. errors. That totally kills it for me, even though it's not the most important thing in the story. It just distracts me from the story line, so when I read a fic and within the first three sentences there are some really bad and/or numerous errors, I have to click 'Back.' Anyone else have this problem? -_- Please review! 


	17. A Prophecy

His skin looked only slightly inflamed now. All of his pale body had been flushed to a dark pink due to his self-destructing act the day before yesterday, but he was recovering well. He woke up to a slightly cold room, lying in sweat-soaked sheets. As he watched the fan's arms make their circular revolutions, he asked himself why he did something so stupid.

__

Sometimes you just lose control, like something is taking you over and you can't even think. I guess that's what happened to me. And here I am, lying in my bed, being waited on by her like a vegetable. Embarrassing, but it's good in a way, I suppose. At least I get to see her every five minutes.

Wait a minute...where's that little boyfriend of hers? 

Just then, Faye came in and placed a cool, soft hand on his forehead. He moaned.

__

He's still got a temperature...but I don't understand it. He's been in bed for almost two days now, and he's eaten everything in sight, not to mention I've given him so much water, his eyes should be swimming in their sockets.

She got up and got his medicine, a syrupy, bitter solution that was supposed to help him recover. He made a face as she came near with a thimble full of the green liquid held out.

"Oh, come on," she said with authority, "you have to take it. Do you want to be stuck in bed all day?"

Spike sighed and eyed her suspiciously.

"You know, I've been through worse than a fever. I'll be fine."

"Spike, TAKE it!"

"No!"

Faye tried to force his mouth open with one hand and pour in the medicine with the other, but he pressed his lips together hard. She let out an irritated "URGH!" before putting the thimble down and taking out her gun.

"Open it. NOW." She applied more pressure at his lips, and finally, he relaxed reluctantly. Her finger tips slipped in and briefly touched his tongue. It all happened in a split second, before she could stop, but she shrugged it off, turning red, and gave him the medicine before hurriedly exiting the room.

Spike looked after her as she walked out, noting that she was extremely tense. Her fingers had been salty...the aftertaste had overpowered the horrible-tasting medicine.

Or maybe that part of his brain wasn't focusing on that.

He turned over in bed, wincing at his sore muscles, and stared at his sheets. The corner of something was sticking out from between the edge of the mattress and the wall. Curious, he pulled at it.

__

Why does this thing seem to be evil?

She was beautiful. More beautiful than anything his dead eyes had ever grazed. She far surpassed a snowy night, or autumn leaves, or tropical flowers, or gems. They all bowed to her, the queen of beauty.

__

But she's beautiful in more ways than one. She's beautiful on different levels. You have to look for it sometimes, or be on the alert because it shows it's face, then disappears all in a second, as if she's afraid to show it.

I wonder...did she ever really hear me? I mean, I know she heard me...but....did she really know me, see me, hear the words I said? I told her. I told her what I could never bring myself to say to Julia. 

I told her that I loved her.

@]---,---'---,---

We couldn't say them

So now we just pray them

Words that we couldn't say

Funny, ain't it? Games people play

Scratch it, paint it, one in the same

We couldn't find them 

So we tried to hide them

Words that we couldn't say...

@]---,---'---,---

Spike shoved the picture under his mattress as he got up to stretch.

__

But she...couldn't say them back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
_I can't believe that I let that happen. Geez, it was....almost like that time when he got injured...and he licked my finger. That's when that whole things started._

She sat cross-legged on her chair, playing solitaire. For several minutes, she played the game, looking at each card. She had just picked up the ace of spades when Spike came in.

"Can I play?"

"Sorry, it's solitaire."

He shrugged, then walked forward, out of the shadow, and sat on the edge of her bed. She continued playing, tryiing to concentrate, but she could feel his eyes on her the entire time. 

"What do you want?"

@]---,---'---,---

It hurts, don't it? Fools on parade

Taint it, own it, chase it away

We couldn't make them 

So we had to break them

Words that we couldn't say

Sometimes baby we make mistakes

Dark and hazy prices we pay

I sit here on my shelf just talking to myself

Words that we couldn't say....

@]---,---'---,---

"I just wanted to play."

"Bull."

He grinned. _Still the same woman._

"Really, what do you want?" she asked, this time staring right at him.

"I...I just wanted to know if you heard me when I told you."

Her forehead creased in confusion, but then relaxed when she figured out what he was talking about.

"I did. I heard you."

She smiled at him, then got up off the bed and headed for the doorway.

@]---,---'---,---

Someday maybe we'll make it right

Until that day, long endless nights

We couldn't say them

So now we just pray them

Words that we couldn't say

We couldn't say them

So now we just pray them

Words that we couldn't say....

@]---,---'---,---

"Spike?"

"Hm?"

"I know what it's like. I went through it too. All you have to do is wait a little, and it will come."

She winked at him, then disappeared.  
He rasied an eyebrow and stood up in a hurry.

"Faye? Faye! What do you mean? Can you explain that? Hey, wait up!"

__

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~two weeks later~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Okay, last chance. You have nothing but your boxers left. And, if by some miracle you manage to beat me-"

"Shut up."

"-then I'll tell you exactly what I meant. Okay, here we go..."

She dealt the cards.

"What do you have?"

Spike turned over his cards.

"A five and a seven. Hit me."

Faye reached over and grabbed the first card off the deck, then handed it to him. He snatched it away, then looked at it, and a huge grin spread across his face.

She gave him a suspicious look. _He's probably just bluffing._

"What'd you get?"

He laid his card face-up on the table. "Ha! An eight! Beat _that._"

Faye smiled as she turned her cards over. 

"A ten and an ace. Blackjack's a great game, don't you think?"

Spike grumbled and stood up, looking hesitantingly down at his boxers.

"Do I _have_ to?" 

Faye just laughed.

"No, I think I'll go easy on you. Plus, I'm sure I'll see you naked _sooner _or later..."

She pranced out of the room with her arms full of Spike's possessions, giving him a sly wink as she left. He just stood there, shocked. After a few more seconds of stunned silence, he chuckled to himself and picked up a cigarette she'd dropped.

__

She has all my stuff. Maybe I'll just go to her room tonight and surprise her. I don't have any bed covers anymore, so....maybe I'll check to see if her prophecy proves correct.

@]---,---'---,---

Someday maybe we'll make it right

Until that day, long endless nights

We couldn't say them

So now we just pray them

Words that we couldn't say....

@]---,---'---,---

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Okay, sucky last chapter, but I tried. ^_^ Plus, I was sorta working on the sequel and was a little distracted at the time. Thanks for all your reviews, I'm incredibly glad (and relieved) to say that this story is now FINISHED! ^___^ Please review one last time!


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